By heliacal rising (Raleigh, NC) –
I’ve been waiting forever for this moment. I’ve finally found a way to frighten the ever loving crap out of my enemies AND offer them delicious artery-clogging fast food at the same time! I can now slip into their beds in the middle of the night and then try to silence their waking screams by offering them piping hot Croissan’Wiches! I can stow away in the back seat of their cars and spring up while they’re driving to work, shoving a mouth-watering TenderCrisp Bacon Cheddar Deluxe in their face!
My most successful scare to date involved the rotten jerk that my wife (the tramp) had an affair with. Dude was taking out the trash, not expecting a thing. When he opened the lid of the big trashcan in his garage, I popped out with a plate of savory BK Stackers. Because of his heart condition, he was unable to enjoy the scrumptious delicacy I had offered him…the poor guy. I was able to avoid the cops by leaping from the shadows and spraying them in the eyes with a healthy dose of Zesty Onion Ring Dippin’ Sauce, then fleeing the scene of the crime with a kingly cackle. Don’t go thinking that I’m completely insensitive. I did attend the guy’s funeral and my wife is now extremely sorry she cheated on me. Sounds like a win-win situation to me!
Best of Amazon: Burger King mask frightens people
Published on: February 7, 2009 at 1:52 AM ET
