New ‘Deranged’ Sorority Email: ‘NO SEX ON THE RED COUCH.’

Stop doing it on the red couch

A new “deranged” sorority email is making the viral rounds today, only this one takes issue with something we can probably all agree is bad: Sex in the common area.

Who hasn’t stumbled on a couple making that sweet, desperate love in the student lounge during finals week in their lifetime? This email is instantly relateable.

Posted to Jezebel from an unspecified sorority at The College of William & Mary, an anonymous sister pleads with the residents of her house to stop fornicating in the common areas, specifically on a red couch she seems fond of.

“we have beds for a reason and if you really have an aversion to sex in your bed (which is honestly really the only comfy option i enjoy of the three) then have sex in someone else’s COMMON area. its called common for a reason. its PUBLIC.”

The red couch is specifically brought up to illustrate the woman’s antipathy, and she even calls out a kitchen coupling that left a souvenir in its sexy wake.

“to the kitchen offender: take the f—ing condom wrapper out of the pot under the stove. thats not a trash can. its cookware.”

In April, Gawker posted the original “deranged sorority email,” from the University of Maryland. That colorful notice has since led to a dramatic fallout for its author, even resulting in her resignation. The email was parodied quite a bit online with a faux-Morgan Freeman reading, a dramatic reading by terrifying actor Michael Shannon, and even a Barbie parody.

You can check out the William & Mary “deranged” sorority email here. It’s not as unbelievable as the UMD email, but it’s hilarious nonetheless.

[Image via: Atiketta Sangasaeng, Shutterstock.com]