Kim Jong-un Warns America To ‘Behave’ Or Face A ‘Nightmare Of Unending Horror’

North Korea

It would appear tubby tyrant Kim Jon-un is trying to trigger World War 3 again, after the little man with the big ambition warned America to “Behave yourself” or face a “Nightmare of unending horror.”

Little Kim likes to make outrageous statements, which would be difficult to take seriously even if the North Korean leader didn’t have a slightly camp and flamboyant demeanor.

Kim once made the outlandish claim that he has invented an alcoholic drink that doesn’t give you a hangover. Other fantastical boasts, where Kim was portrayed as a sort of cross between Superman and God, included him singlehandedly curing AIDS and Ebola.

On the world stage, Kim Jong-un is often seen as a figure of fun. He’s not. The supreme leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea is deadly serious when it comes to creating a fantastical image of himself, and like most egotistical psychopaths, he’s willing to kill in the name of perpetuating the myth.

According to the gospel of North Korea, little Kim could drive a car at the tender age of 3 and was winning yachting races before he was 10. He also conquered North Korea’s highest mountain wearing a suit and dress shoes. How suave.

As well as indulging in gout-inducing proportions of Swiss cheese, Kim is rumored to also be a massive fan of Eric Clapton, which on face value would make the little leader evil on an epic scale.

Little Kim

So what made Kim a pathological liar prone to fantastical boasts in the first place? Was he born that way, or was the example that papa Kim set to blame for Junior’s tendency of being free and easy with the truth?

For 17 long years, Kim Jong-un’s dad, the tenacious tyrant Kim Jong-il, ruled North Korea with an iron fist. Yet, how much did anybody really know about this heavy-drinking, chain-smoking, bug-eyed, shade wearing, hamburger loving James Bond fan with a speech impediment?

Well, people do know at the time of Jong senior’s birth in 1942 in the loving and protective environment of a secret military camp, the heavens were illuminated by a bright star, a double rainbow miraculously appeared, and the season changed from winter to spring.

At least they did, according to North Korean legend, but as is often the case, reality paints a different picture. A picture which reveals that the “Dear Leader” was actually born in Siberia while Jong-un’s grandpapa was fleeing from the Japanese.

Kim Jong-il loved the movies, especially James Bond, and the fierce film fanatic’s private collection housed a staggering 20,000 films. In fact, such was little Kim’s passion for the silver screen, a famous South Korean filmmaker claims that the dictator once kidnapped him and he was forced to make movies in the isolation of North Korea for a decade.

It is a little-known fact that cool-hand Kim was the best golfer in history. In fact, only North Korean state television ever seemed to be aware that the little putter once visited an 18-hole course and downed a stunning 11 hole-in-ones.

Strewth! If that wasn’t enough, the multi-talented renaissance man was rumored to have written at least six operas in two years. Try doing that and running a country single-handedly, Mr. Obama!

Like most tyrants, Kim was very rich and liked nothing more than spending copious amounts of money on fine wines and feasts fit for beasts. His lavish lifestyle and fondness for lobsters were a stark contrast to the prolonged and deadly famine that laid waste to much of North Korea, but this didn’t seem to trouble the refined connoisseur too much.

As long as he had the time and resources to develop his country into the world’s fifth-largest military and nuclear weapons power, Kim remained content. After all, a wine cellar stocked with over 10,000 bottles can ease the most troubled mind and savage of souls.

Despite leading the lifestyle of the rich and famous, Kim was also a prudent person and kept a little nest egg of $4 billion in European banks for a rainy day, or perhaps a revolution.

Although some critics suggest Kim was full of crap, the high-minded tyrant never needed to defecate, according to the North Korean state website, that is.

Last but not least, although Kim was only five feet, three inches tall, (five-foot-seven in his beloved four-inch heels), he disliked short people. Go figure!

With such a father figure, it’s no wonder Kim junior turned out the way he did. The little leader is a classic product of bad parenting. Only difference is, this brat is also in charge of a heavily-armed country, and he’s not afraid to use it.

The Express reports that the crackpot dictator has been even more aggressive, unstable, and unpredictable than usual in recent months. He apparently commanded his border guards to shoot snakes over fears they were spies, and also promised to reduce Japan “to debris in a moment.”

And now, in a fiery editorial in a state-run Pyongyang newspaper that is merely a mouthpiece for little Kim, the leader has laid into America in a big way and warned the home of the brave and land of the free to behave itself or else!

“The U.S. had better face up to the strategic climate newly created on the Korean peninsula and the trend of the times – and behave itself.

“The U.S. is persistently ignoring the changed situation on the Korean peninsula and desperately finding fault with the DPRK while resorting to nuclear threat and blackmail and war drumbeats.

“This is like the guilty party filing the suit first.”

“The U.S. is the arch criminal disturbing the de-nuclearization of the peninsula and sparking off a nuclear arms race as it has persistently posed nuclear threat and blackmail and staged ceaseless joint military drills, gravely threatening the security of the DPRK pursuant to its anachronistic hostile policy toward it.

“The US, a nuclear rogue state, is only fated to suffer the nightmare of unending uneasiness and horror.”

North Korea

(Photo by Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images)