Simon Cowell has turned on former boy band member Gary Barlow and is apparently on the verge of calling in the lawyers to take legal action against the Take That crooner.
Why? Because Barlow’s new talent show is similar in format to the extremely lucrative ones which Cowell has inflicted upon an unsuspecting public over the years.
Simon Cowell and his numerous talent shows to find the next golden egg of the hit parade have often been accused of destroying music.
Like an apocalyptic cash generating plague from the pages of the Old Testament, the phenomena of the talent show has laid to waste huge swathes of talented youngsters who thought singing and playing music had a deeper meaning than that of the bank balances of record company executives.
When confronted with the mind-numbing banality and vacuous horror of an industry which will chew you up and spit you out quicker than you can say, “Was that really 15 minutes sir?” many an aspiring songbird or three-chord hero has shrunk back into the shadows, battered, bloodied, and disillusioned with life in the limelight.
Take That singer Gary Barlow knows a thing or two about thwarted ambitions and broken dreams; it may be why the former tax dodger has decided to give everyone and their tuneless dog a crack at the big time.
Barlow’s new TV talent show called Let It Shine, will hit screens in Britain later this year.
Cowell was apparently left visibly shaken after watching an advanced screening of the aforementioned show, and has deeply held concerns that Barlow’s talent show could be a possible infringement of laws protecting show formats such as his own X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent.
The Mirror reports that Simon, 56, is particularly worried about the possibility of Gary’s show involving mentors, just like X Factor.
An inside source explained, “Simon’s team is keeping a close eye on Gary’s show.
“They want to make sure that it’s completely different to his own projects – otherwise there could be trouble.
“As the trailblazer in the TV talent show sector, it’s no surprise Cowell wants to protect his brand.
“He keeps an eye on all the developments in the industry as they could impact on his business.
“Like all successful TV companies, Simon’s team identify what factors make any new shows different and what is intellectual property and copyright. This is normal practice.”
Cowell is a clever old bean. For the best part of nearly two decades, he has spent all of his considerable energies on hand-feeding an entire generation with what one could argue is a particularly puerile and vile brand of Muzak.
These poor unwitting youngsters have been spoon-fed Simon Cowell’s particular brand of pop slop to the point they have seemingly lost all sense of reason and discernment for quality.
In fact, one wonders if Simon said, “This fecal matter tastes really good don’t it folks?” the response wouldn’t be something along the lines of “Yes master Simon!”
Such is the power and might of the high-waisted one.
With his work almost complete, and what a piece of work it is, Simon Cowell probably felt safe enough to recline in his throne and survey the empire he has built and the transformations he has made to the hit parade.
After all, Cowell is the genius who convinced a large majority of kids, whose instinctive urge is to rebel and make a racket, that it’s the most natural thing in the world to aspire to be One Direction.
Yet it would appear the man with the impeccably white teeth, orange skin, and rather disturbing haircut, has been stabbed in the back by none other than a former boy band member who Cowell probably deems has grown far too big for his boots.
Barlow, 45, has always had something of a rocky relationship with our Simon.
Simon hired the singer to replace him on the British X Factor in 2011 when the mighty music mogul disappeared stateside to launch the American version.
After three seasons, Barlow left the show, but not before Cowell publicly blamed the Take That warbler for the plummeting ratings.
When Barlow joined the show, it was on the back of a triumphant wave of success which washed away all the negative criticisms from the haters who thought Take That would “never dance again.” How wrong they were!
Not only had Gary Barlow resurrected his former band to hitherto unknown realms of glory, but the boy from Manchester earned himself a hugely credible position as an X Factor judge. So take that everyone!
To top it all off, it was revealed that the writer of such classics as “Back for Good,” and other equally memorable dirges, was set to pen the winning tune for that year’s winner of a show which has produced so many musical legends in its short existence.
To sweeten the deal, it was announced that Barlow, who was already on a £1.5 million salary for telling slightly insecure individuals how special they were, would also receive a bonus of £1 million to write the track.
A source revealed to the Sun newspaper, “The move will be a huge boost to the show’s credibility as it means the X Factor single won’t be just another cover. It’s a license to print money for Gary.
“It’s not like there is one winner. Whoever comes second usually has a good career like Olly Murs and JLS… Gary could end up writing for all of them.”
There’s gold in them there hills, but there’s even more in them there talent shows. Is it any wonder that all these years later Barlow wants to make one of his own?
Here’s the good news for people who enjoy such tacky trite. Let It Shine will follow Gary up and down the length and breadth of Britain as he looks for five lucky singers to form, wait for it, a Take That tribute band.
The winners will then get to perform the songs of Take That in an upcoming stage show.
Sound simply horrendous doesn’t it? Sadly, there still exists a long line of poorly dressed and impatient fame hungry sycophants waiting to be consumed whole by the machine.
Just imagine a whole stable of tuneless droids singing Barlow songs from here to eternity. It doesn’t bear thinking about does it?
As another seasonal pantomime of neurotic egos, mediocre talent, and sordid sprinkling of soul-destroying sentiment awaits, one can’t help but wonder who will seize the moment, reach for the stars, and catapult themselves into the dizzying realms of fame, fortune, and unlimited daytime TV slots.
And as the weeks tick by and the show rolls on, no doubt a more fevered and toxic strain of desperation will begin to creep through the wholesome auras and the “they are such genuine and lovely people” sound-bites. Lending credence to the fact that although ambition can make you look pretty ugly, without substantial talent, it just leaves you looking comical.
Elvis has stopped his shaking, Johnny Rotten don’t sneer no more, Hendrix’s fire is in ashes, and Lennon is dead – shot in the back by a wannabe!
Nostalgia is at a premium in pop music, and it revolves around a perpetually dull, and flat present of insipid cover versions and sound-a-likes, which by parodying its past, denies its future.
The music industry by and large can no longer risk any individual-factor, any experimental-factor, any danger-factor, and therefore any transcending “X- factor” to storm its fortified gates of finance, forecast, and fixed returns.
Nevertheless, trite sentiment and bombastic emotion sells, and no one does it better, verse and chorus, than Cowell and Barlow. It’s a shame they don’t get on better, they could be the Lennon and McCartney of a new age.
Or perhaps not.
(Photo by Eamonn M. McCormack/Getty Images)