Belarus president Alexander Lukashenko caught a bigger fish than Russian president Vladimir Putin. In fact, it was three times bigger. So stop saying that.
No, really. Poor, pitiful President Putin has been the laughing stock of social media ever since he released video of an escapade in Siberia this summer where he caught, kissed, and killed a 46 pound pike.
Nobody believed the fish weighed what Putin said it did. But since it conveniently got cooked and eaten, no one could prove it didn't happen.
Now, according to XIN MSN, Putin frenemy Lukashenko has come forward to say that he does believe Putin's big fish story.
Why? "I personally caught a 57 kilogram catfish," Lukashenko coolly explained. That's over 125 pounds.
Sure, I believe Lukashenko. We've had 300 pound catfish in the Mississippi River ourselves.
Oh wait. According to Wiki, maybe the US giant catfish was closer to 130 pounds. But you know how it goes with those crazy fish stories.
The relevance of Lukashenko's giant catfish to Putin's not-a-catfish catch isn't clear. You would almost think that Lukashenko is making fun of Putin and getting in a jab that he caught a fish a mere three times bigger.
According to The Guardian, Lukashenko said the big fish he caught was as long as he is tall -- and he's taller than Putin, even if his country is way smaller.
And Lukashenko offered no evidence whatsoever that the catch had ever occurred -- not even the bit of suspicious video that Putin's detractors said actually came from a 2007 catch.
Vladimir Putin caught a really big fish. That's all you need to know | http://t.co/Y6OticFG1MIn America, lying about the size of the fish you caught and the one that got away is a time-honored tradition. So I'm not here to rain on Putin's parade.
— TIME.com (@TIME) July 29, 2013
I'll let the Moscow News do that:
"Observers often read these stunts for signs of what the Kremlin wants us to think... Amid the buzz over the weekend, some were confused about why Putin didn't release the pike, but kissed it and had it killed instead.
"Putin is defying mythic narrative to create his own myth. Or, you know, he's just a guy who went fishing."
Hmm. I think we're getting in a little too deep here.
But just in case Putin did catch a big fish, Lukashenko wants you to know that his was bigger.
Best pissing contest ever http://t.co/wL18wHgOUs[giant catfish photo by amrufm via Flickr, Creative Commons]
— Jenn Gidman (@WarriorHauswife) August 1, 2013