Mariah Carey Ascribes Bipolar Disorder To Childhood Identity Crisis, Says Tommy Mottola Marriage ‘Wounded’ Her

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Mariah Carey is finally speaking out for the first time since revealing that she suffers from bipolar disorder, and in the latest interview with The Guardian, she is revealing what she feels caused the disorder.

As previously reported by the Inquisitr, Back in April 2018, Carey opened up to People, shocking the world when she revealed that she suffers from bipolar disorder after years of keeping her mental illness a secret.

“It was too heavy a burden to carry and I simply couldn’t do that anymore. I sought and received treatment, I put positive people around me and I got back to doing what I love — writing songs and making music.”

Following Carey’s shocking news, the 48-year-old superstar continued on with business as per usual. Well now, the mom of two is revealing what she says triggered her to suffer from the disorder and she’s attributing her mental illness to her troubled childhood and revealing how deeply her first marriage to music industry exec Tommy Mottola impacted her.

During the telling interview, as reported by The Guardian, Carey was asked about the #MeToo movement where she candidly revealed that she too has suffered from sexual harassment within the music industry. Carey also revealed that while traumatic enough, the harassment she faced during her career “had less of an impact” on her life in comparison to her being in what she says was “a completely controlling relationship.” The relationship Carey is referring to is her first marriage to Sony Music exec Tommy Mottola. The couple was married from 1993 until 1997 during which she previously claimed she suffered emotional and mental abuse.

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While Carey has since moved on, she says that the relationship with Mottola affected her deeply. “It also wounded me. When you have to control your own emotions constantly and be aware of every move you make and pretty much ask permission to exist, it affects your life.”

Carey also had her fair share of diva moments during the interview (like revealing that she bathes in milk –“Sometimes I use milk as a beauty treatment. I don’t want to give away all my secrets,” she teased), but when the question was asked about what could have caused her to suffer from bipolar disorder, she got candid about it.

“It was a combination of being biracial and experiencing the darker side of life. My mom experienced a lot of racism as an opera singer because she was married to a black man.”

Carey’s mother, Patricia, is Irish American, and her father Alfred was African American and Afro-Venezuelan. The multi-award-winning singer says that she went through a lot growing up biracial, recalling an incident from her childhood when a friend saw Carey’s father for the first time and “burst into tears” because “she had never seen a black person.”

“I had to go through so much in my childhood just to feel accepted and feel worthy of existing on Earth because I felt so different from everybody else growing up, because I was biracial, because I was so ambiguous-looking and because we didn’t have the money to escape whatever the everyday realities of life were.”

When asked if Carey wished she was darker when she was younger, she said, “Of course! But what can I do? I can’t go in the sun.” Carey said that growing up biracial and having to deal with her childhood identity crisis not only contributed to her illness but her self-esteem as well. “I have very low self-esteem,” she said but adding that music helps her regain that confidence.

“I like myself when I record a song and listen back to a bit and feel good about everything about it. There’s a sense of accomplishment in the work.”

And while Carey may struggle with her self-esteem, she doesn’t have too many regrets about revealing her illness.

“I wasn’t excited about having to talk about these details of my life. I wasn’t thrilled. But, what you’re saying to me about other people finding some kind of strength from that is the most important thing.”

As for Carey’s decision to go public about suffering from bipolar disorder, she said while she’s glad it’s helping others, she did it for herself. “I wanted to be more free to be who I am,” she said.