On Kate Middleton’s recent tour of Canada, she was no doubt like the rest of the world fascinated by the political shenanigans going on in the U.S., but who would the Duchess of Cambridge vote for if she was fortunate enough to live in the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave — Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton?
It’s a strange question, and one not normally posed outside the idle pondering of a career driven ne’er-do-well or borderline alcoholic, but considering nearly everyone on the planet has a preference when it comes to Trump or Clinton steering the good ship U.S. through the troubled waters ahead, it’s only natural that a deeply political creature such as Kate Middleton would have an outspoken view on who would be her candidate of choice.
Unlike Canada, which in theory still belongs to Queen Elizabeth, America is no longer a constitutional monarchy, so as such the British royal family do not have a vested interest in Donald or Hillary seizing the throne and claiming the crown.
But although both Clinton and Trump have little of what in old money they would term character, they are both considered, in this woefully superficial age, characters, and everyone has to make a decision between bad and worse when it comes to these two waffling potato heads who crave power like a junkie lusting after a needle dripping with turbo-charged juice.
So, let’s put our thinking caps on and try to guess who would float Kate’s boat when it come to casting her vote, and let the bloody bout between these two slightly obnoxious and nauseating personalities begin.
In the blue corner, we have Mr. Donald Trump. Cursed with a slightly flatulent facial expression which suggests he is forever on the brink of an enormous and deeply bothersome bowel movement, the Don has one big mouth and an even bigger ego.
Trump likes to be controversial and comes across as a man who has a massive John Wayne fixation. He believes in making things great again by having plenty of guns and having a no-nonsense approach when it comes to poor people and other minorities who carry on their person the foul stench of being oppressed and downtrodden, but who in reality are out to destroy America for their own Machiavellian ends.
Trump is a billionaire who believes in the sanctity of having an abundant supply of people in America who are willing to work hard for very little income and not grumble.
This is important so Trump can stay rich and congratulate everyone else on their work ethos, whilst they pay extortionate amounts to stay at his chain of hotels and gamble at his casinos.
Trump also believes in the individual’s inalienable right of being able to take a big slice of pie and stuff their mealy-mouthed face with it whilst thousands of others go without, because that’s the natural order of things, amigo!
Taxation is a word with many meanings in Trump’s dictionary, and none of them are any good.
In another lifetime, Donald would probably have been a very successful snake oil salesman. He certainly has a very reptilian manner about his person.
Trump has no prior experience in politics and has never held an elective office, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Like a bumbling clown, he could make it up as he goes along. How the world would laugh. That is until something really terrible happened, and then it would be just hysterical.
In the red corner, we have the wife of a former U.S. President, Hilary Clinton. America is a democracy with a population of over 300 million, so naturally the best candidate for the role is the wife of a man called Bill who just happened to be the President of the United States some 16 years ago.
In any other industry, there’s a name for that sort of thing, it’s called nepotism.
Never mind that, however. You’ve go to deal with the hand you’re dealt, and as Hilary is the only offered alternative to Trump, let’s take a look at what she has to offer.
Blessed with a fixed grin which never appears to reach her steely and slightly menacing eyes, Hillary always seems on the brink of a full-blown psychotic episode that would make a barrel of rattlesnakes look timid in comparison.
When confronted with the indisputable reality of Clinton, one can always imagine behind the caring and sharing facade, there’s a malcontent with a grudge the size of Arkansas, who given the opportunity would tear the world a new opening just for the hell of it.
Celebrities with nothing much else to do but criticize Trump, presumably so they can make themselves feel a whole lot better about being power capitalists who live in mansions and own yachts worth millions, appear to adore Hillary simply because she is not Trump.
In reality, it’s probably more to do with the fact that Trump is an unknown quantity but Clinton is a safe bet, and as rich celebrities have a vested interest the preserving the status quo, they’re putting all their eggs in the basket marked Hillary.
Hillary appears to divide people into two categories, those who are rich and matter, and those who are poor, live in basements, and don’t.
So out of this pair of rather unsavory characters, who would Kate Middleton opt to put her weight behind if she happened to be a gal from Texas as opposed to an English Rose.
Who know? Who cares? You can decide for yourself if you haven’t already fallen into an apathetic slumber.
One thing’s for sure, when the circus comes to an end in November and either the Trump or Clinton show begins in earnest, you can bet your bottom dollar nothing much will change or everything will.
Probably best to flip a coin.
[Featured Image by Eduardo Munoz Alvarez/Pool/Getty Images]