Mayor Mozzer? Morrissey Considers Entering Politics To Represent Animals — ‘The Meat Industry Is The World’s No 1 Problem’

The notoriously pale, petulant, and reclusive Morrissey is thinking of stepping out of the shadows and entering the race to be crowned the new Mayor of London because “the slaughterhouse effectively means that none of us are safe.”

Morrissey, who is something of a household name in the vegan world, has long taken an aggressive stance against carnivores. Yet until now, the aging songbird’s polemics have been all about the posture and less about the political. That, however, could all be about to change if Morrissey gets to wear the mayoral robes and chains of office.

BBC News reports that the sulky crooner has been approached by the Animal Welfare Party and asked to stand as mayoral candidate on their behalf.

The party’s leader, Vanessa Hudson, believes Morrissey has all the required credentials to make a successful go of it in the murky world of politics.

“We’d like to see the mayoral contest include the views of a candidate who would seek to champion London, not only as a world leading city for people but for animal welfare, too.”

On his website, True to You, Morrissey has confirmed that he has been asked by the Animal Welfare Party to run for office and succeed Boris Johnson in City Hall. He has also confessed he is giving serious thought to picking up the gauntlet and throwing his name in the hat.

“There must be a governmental voice against the hellish and archaic social injustice allotted to animals in the United Kingdom simply because those animals do not speak English.

“Animal welfare groups cannot persist simply in order to continue to persist. There must be a governmental voice against the hellish and archaic social injustice allotted to animals in the United Kingdom simply because those animals do not speak English, otherwise millions of very caring citizens are greatly concerned about issues that no one is able to do anything about.

“What animal protectionists need to say is very well worth saying and well worth hearing. But we cannot just sit around waiting for establishment enlightenment. The sanctimonious disaster of animal agriculture cannot be allowed to go on forever, because its widespread impact is hellish.”

Morrissey declared war on meat eaters a long time ago, but in his recent statement, he has upped the ante and has accused anyone who drinks milk of being a sadist and condones the existence of what he believes are the modern versions of “the Nazi concentration camp.”

“The abattoir is the modern continuation of the Nazi concentration camp, and if you are a part of the milk-drinking population, then you condone systems of torture. There is no such thing as humane slaughter, and if you believe that there is, then why not experience it for yourself?”

It’s a good question if somewhat pointless. On something of a roll, Morrissey then asks why celebrity cook Jamie Oliver isn’t so keen on cannibalism, considering his penchant for devouring young goat.

“If animal serial killer Jamie Oliver feels so passionate about including ‘kid meat’ (young goat) into the human diet, would he consider putting forth one of his own kids (children) for general consumption? If not, why not?”

As questions go, it has a slightly hysterical undertone to it, but that could be due to the lack of iron in Morrissey’s diet. The singer then solemnly declares the meat industry is the world’s no 1 problem, and it is only ignored politically because it is of such massive importance.

Morrissey then warns our eyes will pop out if we truly knew the appalling effects of meat production on every aspect of life. He also barks that none of us are safe from the slaughterhouse.

“The slaughterhouse effectively means that none of us are safe. Just investigate the appalling effects of meat production on our climate, environment, fields, forests, lakes, streams, seas, air and space. Your eyes will pop. No bigger global disaster could possibly be devised.”

Nominations for London mayoral candidates close at the end of March. So if you live in England’s capital, grab a burger or greasy hot dog while you can. A change is gonna come.

[Photo by Jo Hale/Getty Images]