Will Guns N’ Roses Reunion Be Ruined By Return Of Old Cock Rocking Enemies Poison?

Like a lonesome riff on the breeze, scantily clad rumors of a full blown Gun N’ Roses reunion have been on the cards for some time, but if Axl, Slash, Duff, Izzy, and the blonde drummer are to get back together and rock us hard they’d better hurry up, because their old cock rocking foes, Poison, have just announced a possible reunion of their own to celebrate the band’s 30th anniversary.

Much maligned as the poor man’s Guns N’ Roses, Poison, helmed by the flamboyant frontman Bret Michaels, never managed to hit the same heights and trawl the same gutters as Axl and the boys.

It may be because they overdid it somewhat with the make-up and hairspray. It may be because they looked like broken old hookers from Hollywood. Or it may be because they had sub-par songs, but Poison have largely been consigned to the bin labelled “cock rock travesties,” whereas Guns N’ Roses, for all their troubled history, stand proudly erect n the real rock n’ roll hall of fame.

Yet there was a time when Guns N’ Roses and Poison were neck and neck in both the credibility and popularity stakes, and they reportedly hated one another like the most competitive of jocks.

In their early days, they were both managed by Vicky Hamilton, and Slash even once auditioned to join Poison, but Bret Michaels said absolutely not! Which let’s be frank, must have been something of an insult for Slash. A bit like Jimi Hendrix being told he couldn’t cut it in The Monkees.

Anyhow, Slash took a philosophical view on not being pretty enough to join Poison and recalled, “As I was walking out of the audition, C.C. DeVille was walking in. He had on pancake makeup and a ton of hairspray. I actually remember thinking right then, ‘That should be the guy.'”

So if Bret Michaels hadn’t made the tough decision that Slash didn’t have the sort of cheekbones that would look good in foundation, the top-hatted axe-man would have never chummed up with Axl, and Guns N’ Roses would have been but a dream in an empty bottle of whisky.

Although “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” might have had better guitar solos.

Thankfully, Guns N’ Roses went on to become the five horseman of the rock apocalypse, putting the swagger and strut back into rock n’ roll, and Poison became something we laughed at.

As Axl Rose once snarled, “Poison are a bunch of posers who represent everything bad about rock n’ roll.”

Yet, posers or not it, looks like Poison could beat Axl and his gang to the punch next year, after Bret Michaels hinted at a 30th anniversary summer tour.

You might think that the last thing the world needs is a Poison reunion, but if you don’t need nothing but a good time, then according to Las Vegas Magazine you could be in luck, because Bret and the boys are teasing/torturing us with the ideas that Poison may play a few “select” dates next year to celebrate their 30th year.

Now if Guns N’ Roses also decide to reunite in 2016, will the majesty and might of their old rivals, Poison, throw a heavily made up shadow over Axl’s much anticipated reunion with the rest of his Gunner brothers?

And in these culturally sterile times, will the hottest topic of all be – Who’s aged better Axl Rose or Bret Michaels?

(Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)