Morrissey Brands Prince Harry A ‘Vain And Ignoble Symbol Of Stupidity’

It would appear Prince Harry has rubbed ageing songbird Morrissey up the wrong way, after the party prince was photographed catching and sitting jubilantly astride a snared crocodile.

Morrissey, like many Brits who have learned to think for themselves, fails to see any last remaining vestige of justification for the royal family and he has never been shy about exploiting every available opportunity to vent his spleen and criticize those who were by appointed by god to subject every man, woman, and child in the U.K. who isn’t privileged enough to be regal by birth.

Morrissey is also a fiercely keen animal rights advocate, so naturally when two of his most despised things, namely an over-indulged royal, and someone who delights in traumatizing animals for fun, collide in one photograph, the artful crooner is going to get vocal.

The photograph in question shows a grinning Harry sitting upon a restrained and helpless 10-foot saltwater crocodile on the deck of a boat in Darwin Harbour with a triumphant expression, which appears to boast, “Look what Harry the hunter’s gone and done all by himself now everyone.”

In the standard sycophantic tones of a redundant and flatulent organization funded by the public purse, BBC News reports, “The 30-year looked relaxed while sitting on the 3.1m (10ft) crocodile, removed from a trap in Darwin Harbour.” In gushing tones last seen in an early feudal society, the BBC then describes how Wildlife ranger Erin Britton said that Prince Harry did a “great job” and would make “a great croc catcher.”

In glowing prose, unshackled by centuries of servitude, Morrissey perceptively describes Prince Harry as “a fully-grown man eternally floundering in absolute stupidity.” And complains that Harry’s stupidity during his official trip in New Zealand has somewhat tainted Morrissey’s own tour down under.


“As I very gratefully arrive in the magnificent city of Sydney, my spirits are almost beaten down by the array of newspapers from New Zealand whose headlines announce HARRY THE HERO, as photographs show… Prince Harry laughing as he sits atop a heavily roped crocodile.”

“Respectable people view Harry as a vile and ignoble symbol of stupidity with no possibility of development… any leisurely gaze beyond establishment interests will see a fully-grown man eternally floundering in absolute stupidity, and if New Zealand were so impressed then their absolute adoption of Harry would lift a colossal burden from the modern British spirit.”

Harsh though Morrissey’s words might appear, he does have a point. Life may be one big jolly adventure of let’s dress up and play games when you’re a young prince with no responsibility, incredible wealth, and immense opportunity, but in this age of austerity, for most, it’s a dour grind to prop up the pillars of power, which afford Prince Harry and others of his ilk such a rare and rum old time of it.

Consequently, when Harry made a recent shout out for compulsory military service to be reinstated in the UK because it would whip the nation’s sullen and undisciplined youth into shape just like it did the party prince, it was met with at least a few quizzical eyebrows. As Brit in exile Morrissey snarled so wearily.

“Will no one rid us of this turbulent pest? New Zealand, please take him – he’s all yours.”

[Photos by Kevin Winter/Getty Images]