When it comes to sex drive, most people have preconceived notions of what that means. Men usually think they have a high one and women think they have a low one.
However, a leading sexpert has now analyzed the phenomenon and explains that in fact, it all boils down to “spontaneous desire” versus “responsive desire.”
Emily Nagoski, the director of Wellness Education at Smith College in Massachusetts, claims that while 70 percent of men experience spontaneous desire and it seems they are horny for no apparent reason, only 10 to 20 percent of woman possess spontaneous desire as their primary desire style.
“A drive is a motivational system to deal with life-or-death issues, like hunger or being too cold. You’re not going to die if you don’t have sex. I think the reason we expect everyone to have spontaneous desire is because that’s how most men experience it. Roughly 70 percent of men typically experience spontaneous desire and something like 10 to 20 percent of women have spontaneous desire as their primary desire style.”
According to Nagoski’s new book, entitled Come As You Are, she claims that, “every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world.”
For that matter, she believes that it is wrong for women to judge themselves, sexually speaking, according to men’s standards. “We never need to judge ourselves based on other’s experiences. Because women vary, and that’s normal. You’re not broken just because you’re not experiencing it. Spontaneous desire isn’t necessary for sexual pleasure. ”
To Nagoski’s mind, the whole concept of sexual desire has been misunderstood for many decades. “Researchers have begun to understand that sexual response is not the linear mechanism they once thought it was. The previous model, originating in the late ’70s, described a lack of “sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity,” she said.
The good news for both men and women is both types of desire are normal, as Nagoski concluded, “Both desire styles are normal and healthy. Neither is associated with pain or any disorder of arousal or orgasm.”
[Image credit: thedirtynormal]