Fraudulent Trader Who Stole $1 Million Claims He Took Cocaine Because He Couldn’t Drink Coffee

A fraudulent trader who allegedly stole $1 million has been sentenced by a New York federal judge to two-and-a-half years in prison, following some bizarre allegations made by the accused, after his sentencing.

Michael Lucarelli, who was found guilty of stealing the money, burst into a bizarre rant in court, confessing that impotence ruined his marriage, and that he took cocaine regularly because coffee doesn’t agree with him.

Lucarelli, who became notoriously famous when he lost his shoes running away from reporters when he was first arrested, admitted to illegal insider trading, while working at Lippert/Heilshorn & Associates.

The 52-year-old alleged that his illegal activity was fuelled by a toxic mix of hard drugs and resentment towards his bosses, whom he claims owed him money on commissions that were still outstanding.

Regarding the cocaine versus coffee issue, Lucarelli claimed, “I didn’t take the drugs to get high, I did it because I can’t drink coffee — that’s a painful trip to the bathroom,” he said.

Obviously, as is usually the case in such circumstances, Lucarelli played the victim and blamed everyone but himself for what had taken place, “The only problem I had in my 25-year career was when these people started to steal my commissions!” He said.

In trying to tweak the tear ducts of the court, Lucarelli claimed that he was now totally broke and alone, as his wife left him and moved to Florida.

Regarding his relationship with her, Lucarelli told the court, “Obviously I couldn’t perform my sexual duties (after the accident) — and she’s 20 years younger — that was the beginning of my downfall,” he said.

To his mind, Lucarelli isn’t exactly fully responsible for his actions, as he shared with the court that is now a handyman at a farmhouse and has no friends, “I’m a leper to all my past friends, which maybe I deserve. I have no assets. Zero,” Lucarelli said.