Pizza Hut To Ride Into Battle For Success On Backs Of Chicken And Turtles, Wielding Katanas?

Pizza Hut has been having difficulties selling its pies in the U.S., and the numbers have shown the company’s struggle, especially against rival Domino’s. However, Pizza Hut isn’t about to give up. No, the company plans to ride into battle for success on the backs of chicken and turtles, brandishing their shiny katanas.

The situation? Dire.

According to Quartz, the enemy (Domino’s) has been investing heavily in digital platforms (of mass destruction). Where Pizza Hut puts emphasis on its dine-in experience, Domino’s has been focusing on mobile- and internet-based ordering with tracking capabilities — and even the ever-frightening drones. And especially in big cities, where take-out and delivery rules — and not to mention the perfect New York thin, non-cheese-filled crust — Pizza Hut has taken many hits.

Domino’s mountain-bike-riding delivery troops, clad with their company’s colors, patrol all over New York, winning the war. Pizza Hut just sits at base and waits for success to come to its doors.

(Neither one can a New Yorker go and say, “I’ll have a plain slice,” and get more than a blank stare and perhaps a “Huh?”)

Well, Pizza Hut isn’t going to take it anymore. The red-roofed pizza giant is looking to call in a few favors from its animal allies: chicken and turtles.

“[A]fter a year of soft trends, we believe Pizza Hut U.S…. will recover on the back of its national chicken rollout,” writes RBC Capital Markets’ David Palmer in a note today, according to Quartz.

Palmer is talking about Pizza Hut’s WingStreet Buffalo wings, which the company has been pushing recently, especially on social media (as seen above). Pizza Hut obviously is after a younger demographic with its wings, flooding Twitter and Facebook with one-liners and silly winged selfies. Who else would be attracted to a Buffalo wings box on a skateboard?

And that’s not the end of Pizza Hut’s youth marketing: Now entering the battle, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Cowabunga!

In anticipation of Michael Bay’s upcoming reboot, Pizza Hut has recruited those green heroes in a half shell to take on Domino’s foot clans. The teenage reptiles won’t be slinging Pizza Hut pizza from the party wagon (great idea for delivery though), and they won’t be attacking any defenseless Domino’s delivery guys. They are just the face of the pizza company’s marketing and of the unrolling of new pizzas, which are named after the four turtles.

Oh, and it seems Leonardo is letting Pizza Hut borrow his katana to slice up pizza.

Unfortunately (well, really, fortunately), katanas won’t really be used in cutting the pizzas but are just part of the marketing again. Dallas Morning News’ Whatever Blog reported that the new pizzas will feature the option for a “katana cut,” which is slicing the pizza into four large slices versus the regular eight. (It’s too bad they don’t have real katanas or mutant turtles lying around: They would have come in handy during that recent robbery at a Pizza Hut in Texas.)

Will the chicken and turtles pull through for Pizza Hut? For stuffed-crust lovers everywhere, let’s hope so.