It was 1998. A young Kellyanne Conway came onstage to do a comedy routine during a charity event. These are facts. But the #alternativefact is that 31-year-old Conway, no matter how little she tried to make the audience guffaw with her self-deprecating jokes, absolutely killed it on the day and etched herself as one of the most underrated comedy performers in the country.
Okay, let me get serious. But I am not kidding, not entirely anyway. The internet, thanks to its long-reaching fangs into the crevices of history, just discovered a gem from the late 1990s where President Donald Trump’s current White House advisor, the fact fabricator supreme Kellyanne Conway, can be seen trying to make people laugh. It’s not like she is attempting to defend her boss and being unintentionally funny (which happens all the time, just check this video out), but she is really trying to be funny.
Except, she is not.
— The A.V. Club (@TheAVClub) January 24, 2017
According to Rolling Stone, the 11-minute routine was part of an event called, “D.C.’s Funniest Celebrity Charity Event.” Kellyanne Conway (then unmarried and called Kellyanne Fitzpatrick) was a burgeoning pollster and among the new crop of TV female pundits — pundettes — which at the time also included names such as Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham, and Maureen Dowd.
Apart from making a string of downright atrocious jokes beginning with her leg, none of which elicit much laughter from the crowd, Kellyanne goes on to discuss the many tribulations of being a pundette.
“How many pundettes can you fit in a shower?” an enthusiastic Kellyanne asks the crowd.
“I don’t know either because they keep slipping down the drain,” she wraps up the joke quickly before moving on to the next equally bad joke.
“What do you call six pundits in a row?
A wind tunnel.”
So, you know. I am going to stop quoting her now because I don’t think you are having a laugh. Maybe if Kellyanne Conway can travel back in time and tell alternative jokes, the people who had assembled for the charity event might have enjoyed themselves more. Or, perhaps the easier thing for Kellyanne to do would be to come on Meet the Press and proclaim to Chuck Tood that the people who are saying that her 1998 routine was not side-splitting are just speaking alternative facts.
But perhaps the most atrocious bit of the entire routine comes near the end when Kellyanne Conway sings a song — I’m assuming — penned by her. Inspired by her earlier bit about the trials that pundettes go through, the song is called “The Pundette Blues,” a jazzy number featuring then-topical name-drops like Newt Gingrich and Monica Lewinsky.
I have got the pundette blues x2
All year I have kept the pace
On TV took my place
Lots of make-up on my face
and sexy dress of lace
I can’t go on. If you dare, watch the entire stand-up routine yourself below.
The video was first uploaded by a user on YouTube at the beginning of this year, but refused to get much attention till Kellyanne Conway’s recent appearance on Meet the Press. During the interview, when confronted about why White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer had lied to the American public about Trump’s inauguration crowd size on his first full day in office, Conway replied that Spicer had merely presented “alternative facts.”
Since then, Conway has found herself mocked by journalists and social media aficionados alike. #Alternativefacts was the number one trending worldwide hashtag for more than a day on Twitter soon after Conway had made the statement.
I can only hope that more alternatively funny videos keep getting unearthed. Rudy Giuliani next up, please?
[Featured Image by Andrew Harrer-Pool/Getty Images]