Stuffing pizza with cheeseburgers seems to be humanity’s latest innovation in the eternal, mankind-wide quest to stuff as many foods as possible into other foods.
First, we had pizza, which is sauce, bread and cheese. But that wasn’t enough- we needed cheese stuffed pizza, for when your face gets bored after the cheese runs out. I must have constant cheese, and until we develop a cheese IV, this cheese in my pizza crust will have to suffice. Reluctantly.
(For the purposes of brevity, I’m not even gonna get into turduckens et al. This article is about pizza-related gluttony only.)
So then last week, we learned that now in the UK, you can get a pizza with hot dogs in the crust. The innovation came via Pizza Hut, which we are supposing is aiming to answer the question we all have when we go to Pizza Hut: how can I possibly maximize the number of calories and proportion of fat I am about to cram into my face-hole?
(Another aside- for all the talk of Americans being the fatasses of the world, outside state fairs, it always seems to be England and other countries that come up with the truly fat-assy stuff, like deep fried Mars bars.)
Not a week later, not content to be out-fatassed by the UK, Pizza Hut in the Middle East one-upped the hot dog pizza by schlorping together pizza and cheeseburgers, creating a cheeseburger crusted pizza.
This being America (which is Jesus’ favorite country), I only hope that we can imagine to invent a cheesecake-stuffed crust meat lovers’ pizza with buffalo wings on it, so we can jam even more meals into a single Pizza Hut box and not be embarrassed in front of the rest of the world.
Would you eat a slice of Pizza Hut’s cheeseburger crust pizza, or maybe several when high?