School Suspends 7-Year-Old ‘Armed’ With Menacing Pen

Look out, he’s got a… pen?

This week has seen some pretty horrifying school suspension stories. First, we had the plucky young “zombie hunter” suspended for playing target practice with a toy gun in his front yard (nowhere near his school, strangely). Second, the high school student who turned in his pocket knife with a note apologizing for forgetting that he had it on him.

Now, we bring you… the 7-year-old suspended over a pen.

Thanks again to zero tolerance policies and an incredibly vague definition for what constitutes a “weapon,” 7-year-old “G.B.” was suspended for four days back in January over a novelty pen that “buzzed” when touched. He boarded the bus with the pen on his person, and (gasp) showed it to some of his friends.

Naturally, the school’s bus diver confiscated the pen and turned it in to Hershey Elementary School principal Joy MacKenzie. She called G.B.’s parents three days later and informed them that their child had violated the school’s weapons policy. They were instructed to pick him up immediately and thus began his four-day suspension and, presumably, the commitment of his crime to his permanent record.

Here, by the way, is Hershey Elementary’s definition of a weapon, per Raw Story:

Weapon – the term shall include by way of example and not limitation, any poison gas, knife, cutting instrument, cutting tools, nunchaku stick, firearm, shotgun, rifle, and any other tool, instrument or implement capable of inflicting bodily injury or property damage, and shall include any item that is represented to be a weapon, that is threatened to be used as a weapon, or that has the appearance or characteristics of a weapon, such as a toy gun or water pistol.

You’ll notice that “buzzing novelty pen” isn’t mentioned by name, and therefore is only presumably as dangerous as any number of writing utensils carried by students, faculty or staff at all times.

Even though the superintendent, who apparently realized how asinine this case is, reduced the boy’s sentence to four days (from a recommended 10), the parents are still suing the school on the grounds that the policy is “unconstitutionally vague and contrary to Pennsylvania state law,” that they were “given no avenue of recourse or protest,” and that Principal MacKenzie is a big, stupid doo doo head (okay, I made that one up).