A very official "Sasquatch Genome Project" claims to have the goods proving that bigfoot is real -- and we're not at all skeptical this will turn out to be a well-crafted hoax like all the other times really real scientists have sworn up and down they have conclusive proof that the cryptozooid is an actual thing that just never happens to drop dead in an area people walk through or get caught, ever.
The real bigfoot claims are made by the Sasquatch Genome project, a group headed up by an actual veterinarian. And unlike decades past, when we didn't have genetic testing technology, bigfoot truthers can cough up actual gene sequences for examination. But, as in the past, we're kind of expecting this claim to fizzle out after a fuzzy video fails to convince.
Fuzzy video, you say? There is, of course, one accompanying the real bigfoot claim. WFAA in Dallas reports that the Sasquatch Genome Project unveiled what is actually "never before seen HD video" of bigfoot in another state, describing half a million dollars of research to chase the imaginary animal that stands larger than a human but has never managed to stand still for a camera up to and including through 2013.
The network reports:
"During a news conference, they played several short clips that purported to show various human-like, hairy figures moving about in wooded areas in Kentucky... The group — led by Dr. Melba Ketchum, a trained veterinarian who founded her own genetics research company — has been collecting data and evidence or the past five years. Their effort is known as The Sasquatch Genome Project."
You may think at this point anyone invested in the proof of bigfoot's existence emerging would dismiss video out of hand, but WFAA cites "definitive video and DNA evidence from the elusive Sasquatch" provided by another group, The Erickson Project. That group said in a statement:
"Researcher Dennis Pfohl... personally captured video and collected DNA samples from Sasquatch individuals."
Sasquatch individuals. Sasquatch-Americans, if you will.
While the Sasquatch Genome Project says this claim that bigfoot is real is scientifically provable, we're reserving judgment until one of the creatures appears on Maury to deny paternity for a littlefoot. Do you think it's possibly the Sasquatch has genuinely managed to avoid all human interaction, even after death, through 2013 -- or would proof have emerged one way or the other by now if the mythical beast truly existed?