Anacin Tablets Helped World’s Oldest Man Reach 112

The world’s oldest man credits Anacin tablets as his longevity promoting regimen, saying that six per day is the only health measure he’s taken to reach the old, old age of 112.

Upstate New Yorker Salustiano “Shorty” Sanchez-Blazquez has been in America for nearly 100 years, having emigrated from his native Spain through Ellis Island in 1920.

But Anacin tablets and bananas are his main habits, and the newly crowned world’s oldest man — the previous title holder died in June — doesn’t really want all the attention that comes along with outliving almost everyone on Earth, ever.

While Sanchez-Blazquez admitted Anacin tablets are his day to day regimen, he wasn’t keen on talking too much about living past 100 — he simply said:

“I’m an old man and let’s leave it at that.”

It was not known at press time whether the world’s oldest man also directed press to get off of his lawn following the statement.

A local paper profiled the Anacin tablets popping senior, explaining:

“Born June 8, 1901, in village of El Tejado de Bejar, Spain, he was known for his talent on the dulzania, a double-reed wind instrument that he taught himself and played at weddings and village celebrations. At 17, he moved with his older brother Pedro and a group of friends to Cuba, where they worked in the cane fields… In a statement provided by Guinness World Records, Salustiano – whose nickname is ‘Shorty’ – said he was humbled by the attention, saying he didn’t feel he accomplished anything special just because he has lived longer than most.”

While “Shorty” credits Anacin tablets for his longevity, 69-year-old daughter Irene Johnson has another theory — telling press she and his family “think it’s just because he’s an independent, stubborn man.”