Grits Attacker Faces Up To 15 Years

A 42-year-old New Orleans, Louisiana man attacked his wife by pouring boiling grits over her and then beating her with the pot. On Wednesday, perpetrator Arthur Porter was convicted of aggravated second-degree battery and simple battery, according to a report by Claire Galofaro for The Times-Picayune.

Talk about going to prison for stupid stuff.

Can you imagine explaining to your fellow inmates that you’re in prison for attacking someone with grits? And it isn’t the first time that an angry partner has wielded the cooking pot either. In 2009, KATC, a TV news station in south Louisiana, reported that 44-year-old Carolyn Brown of Boutte was arrested after she allegedly poured boiling grits on her boyfriend — who was sleeping at the time.

Ouch.

Although it sounds like something that could only happen in the south or maybe a Tyler Perry movie, the grits attack is no joke. Galofaro said that the severity of Porter’s wife’s burns allowed the District Attorney’s office to prosecute the assault as a felony — even though the wife wouldn’t testify at her husband’s trial.

A poster on the Louisiana Tigerdroppings discussion forum explained: “Grits seriously can cause some really, really bad burns — they stick to you and burn you up very quickly.” Yes, there was actually a thread in a Louisiana forum devoted to discussing grit attacks.

According to Galofaro’s report, Porter may be sentenced as a multiple offender since he pleaded guilty to a 1996 aggravated charge, which means a minimum sentence of 7.5 years and a possible maximum of 15.

The burning question I’m usually asked is, “Just what are grits?” Diana Rattray, author of the About.com Southern Food guide, explained that, “Grits, coarse whitish grains, are ground from hominy. Hominy is made from flint or dent corn, varieties with hard kernels.”

Well, you don’t have to eat ’em if that doesn’t sound all that appetizing. If you refrain from attacking people with grits, that’s good enough.