The Most Intrusive Nanny Application Ever

Hiring a nanny can be a pain. You want someone who’s great with kids and has impeccable virtue, yet you also want someone who will work for free. It’s a delicate balance.

One Queens couple has a very specific idea of the kind of adult in whose care they will leave their children, if anyone can trudge their way through an intrusive 65-question survey, according to Gawker.

The survey starts out:

“Grab your umbrella! You are a magical Mary Poppins, a wizard, or a giant spiky Triceratops. You love to play, pretend, create, teach, and nurture. You are reliable, warm, and fun, but also know how to say ‘no’ when necessary.”

The questionnaire referred to from a Craigslist posting poses queries for basic and sometimes illegal info. Are you a US citizen? Would you ever go to Queens?

Then it asks for medical information:

“6. Will you be able to provide a letter from your primary care doctor stating that you are in good health and able to perform the ‘rigorous job of caring for two small children?'”

“7. Will you provide a letter from your doctor listing all your current prescription drugs?”

It questions how often you bathe. It asks about how many countries you have been to and about whether you will become homesick and leave the country to visit your family. It inguires about where you fall in the birth order of your siblings.

And then they want to know about any potential drug problem you may be having or hiding:

“28. Do you take any of the following prescription drugs or their derivatives? Choose all that apply: Ritalin, Percocet, Adderall, Vicodin, Tylox, OxyContin”

“Which recreational drugs do you do? Check all that apply.”

The list is pretty expansive and includes meth, LSD and heroin. Then the questions get even stranger:


“9. Choose the following instances when you would wash your hands with soap and water, or clean your hands with a hand sanitizer (No, we’re not expecting you to choose them all. Just answer truthfully)”

The problem is, no one in their right mind would give you an answer other than the one they assume you want to hear, says the Huffington Post.

This king of Queens obviously doesn’t want anyone unqualified after all. But the question is, does anyone really qualify?