Bryant Johnson’s golf cart fail

Road rash and superficial scarring are not injuries that you expect an NFL player to turn up to training camp with. Gun shot wounds, sure. Dog bites, maybe. But not injuries that you sustained while driving a golf cart.

Wide receiver Bryant Johnson has written another glorious chapter in the history of the Detroit Lions franchise, the first team to go 0-16 last season, by driving his golf cart down a hill and getting scratches and bruises to the majority of his body in early July, putting him out of the first two weeks of training camp.

The club knew about the incident and visited Johnson at his home in Atlanta several times before camp, according to Lions coach Jim Schwarz. One can only imagine the touching scenes as the newly installed coach of the losingest team in football brought calomine lotion and healing balms to the bedside of the man who is supposed to catch balls opposite Calvin Johnson this season.

Johnson excuse was that everyone used carts to get around in the community he lives in. Where does he live, Augusta National? The cart apparently went over a slight incline on two wheels and slid about ten yards, which explains the cuts and abrasions.

Then again, he looks like a little girl next to the suffering in a similar situation of, say, Anakin Skywalker after Obi Wan Kenobi was done with him in Star Wars Episode 3. If we see Bryant wearing a big black costume on the sidelines this season, we’ll know the injuries were serious.