A mom who described her own nine-year-old daughter as “very physically unattractive” took to the “r/parenting” forum on the popular internet message board, reddit, was at a loss for how to prepare the little girl for the rest of her life — and how to deal with her own feelings toward her daughter.
Now, one would think that an internet message board might not be the most understanding place to consult for advice about such a sensitive life issue — but in this case, one would be wrong.
“As our daughter matures, and believe me, I hate myself for saying this, please don’t lambast me, it just is a logical fact, she’s very physically unattractive,” the mom, who goes by the reddit screen name UglyKidJoan, wrote in a message posted a little over a week ago.
“She got the worst traits of both my husband and I. His wide set eyes and strong nose, most of his facial bone structure, actually, my stocky build and curly hair, her skin tone is pretty much right between mine and his.”
She assured the group that her daughter was not afflicted with any disability or disorder, such as Down Syndrome. But before anyone judges this mom, she makes it clear that she isn’t some superficial stage mom who cares only about her kid’s looks.
“I feel beyond awful that I feel this way. But, because she is such a wonderful person inside, it hurts me the more that her peers won’t see past her physical appearance,” she continued. “Just… please don’t hate me. I hate myself enough as it is. I just want to help my daughter grow to be a healthy, happy young woman, and not let her appearance get in the way of letting the world know what a wonderful person she is.”
Almost all of the responses, however, did not “hate” the mom. Several respondents offered encouragement to the mom, posting “then and now” pictures of themselves as little kids, and as grownups, to demonstrate how children can grow into themselves.
But perhaps the most poignant answer came from poster scarabic, who advised the mom to shift her focus away from her child’s appearance to the things that really matter.
“Honestly if your daughter were unearthly beautiful I would tell you the same thing… Don’t praise her appearance. Praise her efforts, talents and social skills. Cultivate her creativity so she will have the tools to invent herself over and over rather than become a prisoner to others’ expectations of her appearance.”
What advice would give this mom about her “physically unattractive” daughter?
[Stock Image: One Chic Mom Blog]