Benedict Cumberbatch Will Read Special Poem At Reburial Of ‘Child Killer’ Richard III

Benedict Cumberbatch is set to read a specially written poem at the reburial of his ‘distant relative’ – the usurper King Richard III.

Ever since the mortal remains of Richard III were discovered dwelling beneath a council car park in Leicester, there’s been an awful lot of fuss and bother about the hunch-backed Plantagenet who Shakespeare wrote, “Out of my sight! Thou dost infect mine eyes.”

Described by a Daily Mail columnist, as “one of the evil detestable tyrants to walk this earth,” Benedict Cumberbatch will read a poetic tribute to his oft dreaded dead ancestor at Leicester Cathedral.

The Daily Mail reports that during a week of ceremony which offer the king the ‘dignity and honour’ he was denied immediately after his death, Cumberbatch will recite a poem described as a meditation on the legacy of King Richard and the fact he was found buried beneath a car park.

At a staggering cost of £2.5 million to the British tax-payer, the hunchback who met his end during the Battle of Bosworth will receive a right royal send-off, with classy thespian and distant relative Benedict Cumberbatch leading the charge.

The question is why is Cumberbatch, (who incidentally is also the ancestor of slave traders), and thousands of other sycophantic royalists so keen to be associated with what one spectator has described as an “undignified, money-grabbing pantomime.”

Well the peasants do love a royal. And many Brits have never really outgrown that inherently plebeian ideal that psychopathic, greed-obsessed, and war mongering Kings were somehow appointed by a just and wise God to rule over them and keep the great unwashed in check.

Even in an environment where terrible treachery and murderous rampages were commonplace, the great throne-robber and swan wing eater Richard III stood out, not for just being a hunchback, but for being an serial killer who would murder the mother of God just to get his duplicitous hands on the crown.

Richard III was said to have slaughtered at least 27 of his subjects in cold blood, including Edward, Prince of Wales, after the battle of Tewkesbury. He then went on to marry Edward’s widow, Anne. Sounds like a nice sort of chap doesn’t he? But wait there’s more.

During his spell as the Duke of Gloucester, Richard also stabbed Edward’s father, the mentally ill Henry VI to death in a prison cell in the Tower of London. Why? Because Richard wanted to put his brother Edward IV on the throne.

Yet worse was to come, when the grim repaper came to collect Edward IV, Richard arranged for his bother’s sons to be declared illegitimate, locked them in the tower, and when he in turn ascended to the throne, had them routinely slaughtered.

History, as has been proven time and time again, is a rare old thing and yesterday’s child killer is now a national hero celebrated by 21-gun salutes and triumphal parades.

No one knows in what unmarked plot Richard’s two butchered nephews are buried but it’s highly doubtful that during the mass murderer’s reburial, the likes of Benedict Cumberbatch or any other public figures who are ravenous for the reflected glory, pomp and prestige of having a royal association, even if it is with a dead and bloodthirsty king, will recite a poem to honour the hunchback’s victims.

Perhaps it would be more apt if during the reburial Cumberbatch recited one of the bearded bard’s eloquent passages concerning the villainous hunchback.

“I am a villain. Yet I lie. I am not. Fool, of thyself speak well. Fool, do not flatter: My conscience hath a thousand several tongues, And every tongue brings in a several tale, And every tale condemns me for a villain. Perjury, perjury, in the highest degree; Murder, stern murder, in the direst degree; All several sins, all used in each degree, Throng to the bar, crying all, “Guilty! guilty!”