Michelle Rodriguez Opens Up About ‘Binge’ After Paul Walker’s Death

When Paul Walker died, the entire cast of the Fast & Furious franchise was understandably devastated. Ahead of Furious 7‘s opening, actress Michelle Rodriguez said that she didn’t deal well with her grief.

It’s been a little over 12 months since Walker’s tragic death, and Rodriguez told Entertainment Weekly the last year was a real struggle for her. “I actually went on a bit of a binge.” During the interview, the actress wiped her tears and continued explaining how hard it was for her. “I went pretty crazy. A lot of the stuff I did last year I would never do had I been in my right mind.”

She described just how close she was with the Fast & Furious star. Even though they didn’t see each other every day, Rodriguez likened him to her center of gravity in a way.

“I could see Paul once every two years and just know there was another human on the planet who’s deep like me, who loves like that. When that disappears, you wonder, ‘Wait a minute, what do I hold on to?’ There was nothing to tether me to this existence: ‘Why am I f—king here? And, like, why’d you leave without me?'”

Following Walker’s death, Rodriguez dated model Cara Delevingne and Zac Efron. During this time, she partied hard and received a lot of publicity for her loud antics. The actress went on to explain that this was her way of coping with Paul’s death.

“I was pushing myself to feel. I felt like nothing I could do could make me feel alive, so I just kept pushing myself harder and harder. I was traveling, and I was having sex. And I was just trying to ignore everything that I was feeling.”

Michelle Rodriguez and supermodel Cara Delevingne the hottest lesbian couple in the universe pic.twitter.com/TGF0GkCHg9

— ♀Phoenix♀ (@c_lattey) February 2, 2015

So what made Rodriguez pause and look back at her choices? According to the actress, she said it just hit her one day.

“I just woke up [one morning] with a profound respect for living. I stood tall one day, and I said, ‘You know what, Michelle? Stop f—king hiding. Go manifest.’ And all of the sudden, I picked myself up and started hustling.”

[Image via Universal]