Funny Thanksgiving Day Quotes

Dan Evon - Author

Jun. 16 2013, Updated 12:44 a.m. ET

Happy Thanksgiving! Today is a day that people around the country sit back, relax, watch football, and give thanks that they only have to large family gatherings a few times a year.

Today, Americans will sit down at big family tables, stuff themselves with turkey, and tell each other what they are thankful for. President Obama, during the annual turkey pardon yesterday, said that Thanksgiving is a time to “be grateful for what we have, and be mindful of those who have less.”

But on a less serious note. Here are 10 Thanksgiving Day quotes from comedians.

David Letterman

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“When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat.”

Johnny Carson

“Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.”

Rita Rudner

“My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.”

Jon Stewart

“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”

Jim Gaffigan

“Thanksgiving. It’s like we didn’t even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'”

Stephen Colbert

“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.”

Do you have any favorite Thanksgiving Day quotes? What are you thankful for this year?


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