Former MMA fighter War Machine wrote a suicide note in his jail cell before attempting to kill himself last week. TMZ recently leaked the handwritten letter online.
According to TMZ, Jonathan Koppenhaver (aka War Machine) sent the letter to a friend the day before the failed suicide attempt occurred.
The first paragraph of the letter confirms that War Machine intended for it to be his suicide note.
“If you are reading this, then it must be a rap. I refuse to live a parasitic life, relying on taxes and the generosity of friends for food and shelter while never being able to give back. I always used to say, ‘You gotta know when the gig is up.’ I had a good run. I experienced more in my short life than 5 [average] men combined.”
Within the body of the suicide note, War Machine starts off by speaking directly to his former girlfriend, porn star Christy Mack. Even with his “many flaws,” and the fact that he admittedly “wasn’t the best BF at times,” War Machine writes in the letter that he loved her “more than freedom,” realized that he made a “mistake” by breaking up with her in May and “planned on being with [her] forever.”
War Machine then explains the events that led up to the night when he reportedly beat Christy Mack – including the fact that he noticed things were not the same between the two of them. War Machine states that, even though he was “100 percent dedicated” to her when they got back together, he knew that “something seemed different” about Christy and it drove him “crazy.”
“I guess it was too little too late though, because something seemed different about you. It drove me crazy, but I knew that you still loved me because you kept telling me to get you the ring… I guess you wanted security before you ‘put all of your eggs in one basket’ again.”
War Machine then explains what happened the night that he beat her, as if he was the real victim instead of her, especially after discovering her alleged unfaithfulness to him.
“Finding what I found that night was so devastating to me, more than you will ever know. Not just the unfaithfulness, but the way [you] cared for him and protected him. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish that you weren’t hurt that night. I hope you know that.”
War Machine pleads with Christy Mack to forgive him since he had forgiven her and lets her know that she can depend on him.
“I forgive you, please forgive me. I love you in hard times. Know that I am there to lean on.”
After taking a moment to address other close friends and relatives by name in his suicide note, War Machine claims that he still does not understand “why this had to happen,” especially since his “life was going so well.” In his own words, he felt that “catching a case” was “hard to accept” since he had “nothing but good intentions” in his heart.
“It is one thing to catch a case when you set out to commit a crime, but catching a case when you have nothing but good intentions is hard to accept. The severity of the charges makes it that much worse… I’m a good person with a huge heart and everyone who knows me knows that, especially Christy.”
War Machine then ends his note with a farewell message of “appreciation,” stating that he “was never meant to live in this era anyway.”
“I appreciate you all, sorry if I’ve let you down. I hope you choose to remember me for my times of strength and not for this. Society has killed men. I was never meant to live in this era anyway. Follow your dreams and think for yourselves.”
War Machine tried to kill himself inside of his Las Vegas jail cell by hanging himself last Tuesday. According to a report released by TMZ, a corrections officer found him with a linen wrapped around his neck which was tied to one of the legs of his bed. After saving his life. He was later transferred to a medical isolation cell and placed on suicide watch.