‘Sex Is For Marriage And That’s That’: 26-Year-Old Virgin’s Essay Sparks Controversy

“When guys find out I’m a virgin,” a Salon essay by a 26-year-old writer, started a controversy on whether or not it is normal for a woman to not have sex until marriage.

‘Clearly I’ve hit a nerve,” Ellen Burkhardt told CBS Local. “And maybe more people feel the way I do than we realize and they’ve just been too intimidated to share that perspective.”

In the essay, Burkhardt talks about how difficult it is to explain to men she is dating that there will be no sex in their relationship.

“There’s no good time to tell a guy you’re a virgin,” she writes.

“First date? Too much, too soon. Wait until the third date and you risk being considered a tease. Second date? Perhaps, but at this point you’re both still fretting over whether or not to eat another piece of bread; delving into sexual histories (or lack thereof) seems a bit extreme. So: There’s no good time to tell a guy you’re a virgin. Even worse? Telling him you’re waiting until marriage.”

“By most accounts, I am a successful human being. Yet the moment I have to tell the guy I’m dating that sex is not an option, I become a squirmy, awkward, fidgety girl who can’t make eye contact or put together a complete sentence. Think junior high dance, only without a bathroom to hide in,” she writes.

She goes on to explain the reasons why she decided to remain a virgin until marriage, one of which is her Christian beliefs.

“Another reason sex didn’t factor into my coming-of-age years is that I’m a Christian. Not a Bible-thumping, the-world-is-going-to-hell-in-a-handbasket Christian, but a (sexually) conservative, Bible-believing, traditionally raised Minnesota Lutheran girl who was taught that sex is for marriage and that’s that.”

Burkhardt even admits that sometimes sticking to her decision to remain a virgin is difficult.

“…I’m not anti-sex. I’m not immune to desire, either: It’s flattering when the man I’m with wants so badly to rip off my clothes and have his way with me that he has to leave the room in order to respect my decision. It drives me crazy when he whispers in my ear and teases me in all the right ways. And, yes, in situations like those I do waver and wonder whether or not it’s worth holding out for the big I Do.”

Responses to the essay have been mixed, with many people supporting the writer’s decision. Others have called her “disturbed’ or felt that she was “brow-beaten” by her religion to remain a virgin. However, a Little Utopia writer who also made the decision to remain a virgin until married pointed out that Burkhardt had the right to make a choice about what to do with her own body.

“It’s my choice; it’s Burkhardt’s choice; it’s no one else’s. And to deny that is to deny women the agency not only to make choices about sex, but the agency to make well-informed decisions for themselves.”

In a world where parents are downloading an app to see if their kids are sexting and a television reality show about teen moms is a thing, do you think we could we use more women like Burkhardt to speak out? Or do you think being a 26-year-old virgin is unnatural?

[Image via Free Republic]