Tetris Is Being Made Into A Movie. Deal With It.
Proving that no avenue will go unexplored in the quest to turn every possibly marketable known name into a movie franchise, it’s been revealed that the classic puzzle game Tetris is going to get the movie treatment. Yes, we know the game’s song is now on repeat in your head. You’re welcome.
The news came by way of The Hollywood Reporter (h/t: Newsarama), which assures us that when Tetris does make the transition to the big screen, it will be in loving hands. The Tetris movie is being handled by the same minds that brought you 1995’s Mortal Kombat. Look on their works, ye mighty, and despair.
Now, of course, the Mortal Kombat theme is probably running through your head, but let us get back to the task and theme song at hand by reminding everyone that Tetris is a game in which one stacks falling blocks of varying shapes with the goal of making those blocks disappear. How can that possibly be made into a game?
It will be an “epic sci-fi adventure,” of course.
“We look forward to partnering with Threshold Entertainment to reimagine that common experience [of playing Tetris] and bring a spectacular new Tetris universe to the big screen,” Tetris Company managing director Henk Rogers, likely clad in a suit woven from $100 bills, said in a statement. “In this new universe, as you’ll soon find out, there’s much more to Tetris than simply clearing lines.”
Lest you think that the lack of a discernible storyline in Tetris should be an absolute deal breaker for making it into a feature film, do consider that M. Night Shyamalan is still getting work. If that’s not enough, remember that Battleship – the childhood board game that made you wish you’d been assigned homework that day – was also made into a movie. With Rihanna. And she said “Boom.”
In fact, Tetris has even been made into a board game. Because. So it’s not like the makers of the Tetris movie will be short on material to draw inspiration from.
The Tetris movie doesn’t have a timeframe yet, and it could be just another property that was snatched up by studio execs just to make sure that… umm… nobody else wins out in the Tetris Movie Sweepstakes.
If nothing else, bringing the popular Russian puzzler to the big screen could lead to a retro revival. Tetris the Movie could mean the return of Yakov Smirnoff, big chunky Game Boys, and sickly green monochromatic graphics.
Of course, all hope goes out the window when the first trailer hits screens. “From the people that brought you Mortal Kombat” is probably enough to clear out any theater.
[Lead image via Huffington Post.]
