Lesson learned the hard way: if you’re not Superman, don’t try to do things that only Superman can do. A 25-year-old drunken, would-be burglar got a crash course in non-Superman-being recently and the results of his education were pretty much what you’d expect.
The attempt at Superman-dom happened in the Chinese city of Suquian, according to a story in Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper. The unfortunate incident began when an intoxicated Tang Lei broke into an apartment on the fifth floor of a building there, after consuming a significant amount of liquid courage.
Tang said told police in Suquian that he believed that nobody was home in the apartment. But as heavily intoxicated people often do, he made a mistake. There was indeed someone home. As Tang prowled around the apartment, he was suddenly confronted by a 10-year-old girl, he said.
So Tang had a stroke of absolute genius.
“To keep her quiet I told her I was really Superman,” he explained to the cops, “and I’d soon be flying off back to my secret headquarters.”
But instead of shutting the little girl up, his claim only increased her resolve. She demanded that Tang prove his identity as Superman. So Tang had another brilliant plan.
First he says, he stripped down to his underwear, “to look more like a superhero.”
Another mistake. Superman may wear his underpants on the outside. But he doesn’t wear only his underpants. He’s got this whole blue-and-red spandex thing going on.
But that wasn’t the end of Tang’s startlingly stupid misadventure.
“I went to the window,” he said, speaking to police from his bed in a local hospital. “I saw another roof below and I thought I could make it but it turned out to be a lot further down than I thought.”
So why even try this crazy escape?
“I know it doesn’t make sense,” Tang said. “But it did to me when I was drunk.”
Well, that explains a lot. Probably everything, actually. Tang screamed in pain as he landed on the roof, where a neighbor found him battered and bruised from the fall, clad only in yellow underpants.
Police climbed up to retrieve the would-be Superman using a ladder. Tang now faces seven years in prison.
[Stock Image via Google]