You may think Blue Ivy is one of the luckiest kids in the world, being born to Jay-Z and Beyonce and all their wealth and fame — but as it turns out, this poor child is being neglected… nay, ABUSED.
In case you missed it, little Blue Ivy — who appears happy and healthy in all pics, posed and unposed — has black hair. Yes, readers, the child of two black individuals was born with racially congruent hair… and even though busybodies can’t as easily bitch out Beyonce in the supermarket with unwanted mom to mom advice, they sure as hell can do it on the internet.
If you’re a parent, you probably know the feeling. You’re momming or dadding along, child fed and bathed and reasonably quiet, and some bossy pants with tons of insight just swoops in and disrupts your whole fragile sense of calm.
For instance, if your baby is wearing shoes, they have a story about how a friend’s baby developed some horrible disease of the foot because the baby wore shoes. If it is a warm day and the baby is barefoot, the unwelcome advice begins with the story of some poor baby that got foot frostbite in June because their parents put them in sandals.
As Beyonce and Jay-Z are learning this week, you can never win with parenting advice, no matter what you do.
Over on Change.org, the petition hosting site, more than 2,000 people with nothing better to do with the limited number of hours they have on Earth have signed a petition imploring Beyonce to comb her child’s hair, with the assumption neither she nor Jay-Z does so.
The petitioner, identified only as JT from Brooklyn, begins:
“As a woman who understands the importance of hair care. It’s disturbing to watch a child suffering from the lack of hair moisture. The parents of Blue Ivy. Sean Carter A.K.A Jay-Z and Beyoncé has failed at numerous attempts of doing Blue Ivy Hair.”
Apparently, this is serious business, as JT adds:
“This matter has escalated to the child developing matted dreads and lint balls. Please let’s get the word out to properly care for Blue Ivy hair.”
And just like real life, there are fellow parenting experts who chime in to criticize the family, with one clucking:
“I hate when a mother looks like a million dollars with their hair all done and the child looks like they haven’t seen a comb since they were born.”
Another person not too grown up to rag on a baby that can’t even talk yet piles on:
“Blue Ivy’s father, Jay-Z likes to brag about his ‘charmed’ life, while his wife is dripping in expensive weaves, jewelry, and designer gowns. Beyonce’s mother was a hair salon owner. Please comb, that clown’s, er baby’s hair.”
Beyonce hasn’t commented upon the Blue Ivy petition, and hopefully she and Jay won’t even see it because, ugh, people are jerks.