Hipsters Top Ten Foods: A Pretentious List Of Foods Hipsters Stupidly Think Are Hip

Hipsters eating something green, probably kale

For most people, whenever the term “hipsters” is announced, a vile and disgusting taste develops in their mouth. These blisters on society have this unique ability of pissing people off by shoving their agenda down everybody’s throat. If it isn’t within their circle of admiration, hipsters degrade and insult it.

Yet, most people don’t even know what hipsters are. According to the Urban Dictionary, hipsters are coffee drinking, novel reading, wayfarer wearing, Oxford obsessing girls or guys, who will pretend to know everything about anything in pop culture spanning from the 1920s to now. Ironically, hipsters also pretend to also not like everything and anything in pop culture from the 1920s to now.

Unfortunately, pop culture also includes food. Just like everything else hipsters get their hands on, it seems hipsters have to ruin a favorite pastime among many. Comparing the lists from multiple sites, including Huffington Post and Answers, these are the top ten foods that hipsters love, just because everyone else doesn’t bother with them. Hipsters score extra brownie points if the food they admire is a food everybody else hates.

#1 – Cold Brew Coffee: Cold brew coffee is supposedly the “smarter” and “younger” sibling of hot brewed coffee. It is pretentious, takes forever to make, and not very popular, ergo why hipsters love it. Cold brew coffee is not to be confused with iced coffee. The key is in the method of brewing. Once again: pretentious, takes forever, hipsters love it.

#2 – Food Trucks: Remember a time when people avoided food trucks because their food was disgusting, usually because flies swarmed around the open meat and the kitchen smelled like rotten beefsteak and buttcrack? Well leave it to hipsters to make it the next big thing on their list of things everyone hates. Unfortunately, roach coaches are now high-class, clean, and actually cool. People are starting to turn around to these fast-serve restaurants on wheels. This means hipsters are going to hate these things very soon.

Hipsters love food trucks

#3 – Pickles: It is unbelievable that a classic staple in old diners has been reduced to a trend for hipsters. The thing about pickles is that many people love them. Usually at a table full of people, there will be at least two people, who are not hipsters, who love pickles. Hipsters take it to the next level to borderline obsession, especially if they are gourmet pickles.

#4 – Brussel Sprouts: The majority of people cannot stand brussel sprouts, despite them just being the baby version of baby cabbage. We should also not condone how healthy these little bite-sized veggie poppers are. Just like pickles, brussel sprouts are now the in-thing for hipsters. Eventually, it will be so popular, it will go back to being universally hated, even by hipsters.

#5 – Pabst Blue Ribbon: This is one of the cheapest beers available on the market, and it tastes like backwash toilet water making it a universally hated beer, which is perfect for hipsters. This may be something hipsters will keep for a long time because nobody wants to drink this disgusting brew.

Pabst Blue Ribbon is loved by Hipsters

#6 – Bacon: Most people will loathe that hipsters love this food. I myself am feeling a twinge of wrath as I write this. Anyways, bacon is considered the miracle food that makes everything else better, which is proven by comedian Jim Gaffigan. What baffles most people is why hipsters love bacon because EVERYONE LOVES BACON!

#7 – Kale: Prior to hipsters, nobody knew what kale was unless they were vegetarian or vegan. Now it is considered a super food in the health community. It is used in salads, smoothies, and everywhere else. Hipsters are desperately trying to find another green leafy vegetable to replace kale since it is so popular…oh wait a minute! I forgot! Brussel sprouts!

#8 – Anything in a Mason Jar: Cocktails, jams, and pickled everything, mason jars are now trendy and eco-friendly at the same time. I am sure the Duck Dynasty clan should take credit for this, along with other rednecks. However, it is the hipsters that made it the way it is now.

#9 – Tacos: Hipsters have this god complex about tacos, as in they think they invented the damn thing. They want to have credit for any version around now, especially those on food trucks, or have kale, bacon, or brussel sprouts. I guess they forgot the Mexicans.

#10 – Fancy Donuts: This one is just for presentation because most fancy donuts are only good as projectiles in a food fight. Unfortunately, fancy donuts don’t taste as good as regular donuts thus people don’t really care much about them…unless they are hipsters. Fancy donuts in the donut community is kind of like fondant is to icing: all show, little redeeming substance.

Hipsters love fancy donuts

In short, if its unpopular in the eyes of society, hipsters will jump on it like fat kids on cake. In reality, I am sure anyone business-savvy can make a killing off of a hipsters take on food. Get something everything agrees is disgusting or unbearable, like prairie oysters (cow testicles), balut (duck fetus in an egg), 1000 year old egg (they are really a month old), or Limburger cheese (smells like feet), have a famous band of hipsters eat those, let them announce to their fans how awesome the food is, and hipsters will flock to said food item in troves. I personally am trying to convince these hipsters that whale blubber is the next thing for hipsters. Fingers crossed.

[Images via Bing]