Backblaze launches ‘Locate My Computer’ so everyone can humiliate the person who stole their laptop on YouTube

Remember the story we posted in March about how that guy Mark Bao was able to track down the dude who snatched his MacBook, access an embarrassing video of him dancing to Travis Porter’s “Make It Rain” and then allegedly apprehend the guy who jacked his swag?

The tale went viral for many reasons, and probably a bit more so on Reddit because it involved a geeky young tech-dude exacting humiliating revenge on someone who had wronged him. Backblaze, an online backup service I so totally could have use when my MacBook started making the click of death noise back in August, costs $5 a month for unlimited storage. Today, the service added “Locate My Computer” as an additional value-add for Backblaze customers.

Of course, there’s no guarantee that if your laptop gets nicked the person who steals it will be a budding choreographer. But the service does promise to do these things as long as the machine is on and connected to the web:

  • Map – Use our map to get an accurate representation of where their computer is located
  • ISP – See the Internet Service Provider the account is attached to and obtain contact information
  • IP Address – Obtain the specific IP address the computer is using (imperative for police reports)
  • Thief’s Files – Use the new “Date Range Restore” feature to see files uploaded after theft

Backblaze says all mapping data is encrypted, and you’ve got to log in to use the service. It’s automatically added to Backblaze accounts, but you can opt-out if you’re trafficking in illegal parakeets or take lots of photos of your wang. It is highly unlikely a swat team will roll in with a man dangling from a helicopter in the event your computer is stolen-then-found, but wouldn’t that be so totally awesome if that happened?