There’s been lot of hot air about World War 3 lately.
Depending on who you talk to, the apocalypse, and let’s be honest a war involving the United States, Russia, China, and Europe would definitely have a walk-on part for the four horseman, is definitely in the cards.
Fears of World War 3 are nothing new. As a species, it appears when we’re not actually engaged in or declaring war, we’re planning it, thinking about it, fondly remembering past glories, or imagining likely scenarios when war could actually happen again. It’s something of a sickness with us.
Some perverse pundits and politicians appear to delight in fanning the flames of an imminent World War 3 every time one of Putin’s state-of-the-art fighter jets are spotted in the skies outside of Russia, or when one of his warships sail close to the breeze of another country.
Yet although Putin, like every other leader spearheading a powerful country, enjoys flexing his military might and strutting around with a “look at my guns” attitude, he’s not dumb and you’d have to be plumb dumb to start a World War 3 in this day and age, considering the murderous amount of killing machines and sheer force of numbers so many countries are capable of bringing to the table.
Putin also has his advisors. People who are not only there to advise Putin against any kind of Pyrrhic victory, but to prevent any one man or woman from destroying the world in a moment of push button madness.
Even with dangerous characters like Trump and Clinton about to get their sweaty and grasping hands on the keys to the White House, if any of these jokers express a wish to go nuclear whatever the cost, don’t you think they would be taken out of the equation by “parties with vested interests” quicker than you can say “JFK.”
Fears of World War 3 are like the old-fashioned fears of Armageddon, they’re morbid, dramatic, sadistic, extremely negative, and about as reliable as a chocolate teapot.
People have been talking about the end of the world pretty much since it’s beginning. And depending on who you talk to, the apocalypse, or World War 3, whichever comes first, is always just around the corner.
So while you wait for the world to stop spinning, why not kick back and enjoy everything you always wanted to know about Armageddon but were afraid to ask.
Incidentally, the information below can be read as a survivor’s guide to World War 3 and the apocalypse. Now, while it may not save your life in the event of such an extreme eventuality, it might just inspire you to use enough common sense to stop worrying about such things.
What The Mayans Said
By now most people and their deaf dog are familiar with the ancient Mayan calendar which predicted the world would definitely end on December 21, 2012.
Well obviously you’re reading this after the official doomsday date, so congratulations! We made it. But outside of a few pessimists who actually appeared to be looking forward to living in bunkers and eating a daily diet of beans and purified pond water, was there any universal and ancient doubt that life as we know it would come to a grinding halt in 2012?
Apparently, the Mayan calendar predictions about 2012 were pretty vague and most historic sources verified there was nothing to indicate or substantiate any claims that the world would actually end on December 21, 2012.
Rather we merely came to the end of the twelfth B’aku’n Cycle in the long count Mayan Calendar, which means in old money that we entered a new phase in the earth’s evolution which apparently is supposed to signify a new age of spiritual transformation.
Apparently, the Mayans, even though they didn’t have smart-phones, had cottoned on to the fact that this happens every 26,000 years or so. So there!
The False Prophets
Throughout the decades there have been an abundance of colorful and unsavory characters who have tried to convince us the world will end on a specific date. However, history is a fickle tart and has proved these darlings of doomsday wrong on every occasion.
Take, for instance, Henry Adams, the great-grandson of founding father and U.S. President John Adams.
In his golden years and sensing that the grim reaper would claim him before he could be proved wrong, Adams boldly announced that energy would dissipate, order would become disorder, and the world would end in 1921. It didn’t, but as he died in 1918 he never got to apologize for his grave mistake.
The famous mathematician Jacob Bernoulli also had to cut himself a rather indulgent slice of humble pie when he predicted that a comet first seen in 1680 would soon return and destroy the world completely. Mmmm! Perhaps Jacob’s definition of ‘soon’ was a little different than most.
What NASA Said About The End of the World
Now although they’re no experts on World War 3, when it comes to the forthcoming apocalypse it seems NASA has a thing or two to say about a thing or two, and most of it is pretty scathing when it comes to the world ending anytime soon.
They point to the fact that the earth has been revolving just dandy for the last four billion years and no credible scientist has come forward to prove that it’ll simply stop spinning anytime soon.
When faced with claims of polar shift theories, collisions with other planets, solar storms, and destruction by a rouge meteor, NASA quite rightly snarls with all the righteous rage of a boffin who has made it their lifetime’s work to study the universe and its intricate mysteries, “Where is the evidence?” As Mr. T once said, “I pity the fool.”
The Plight of the Preppers
There is a curious breed of person who has spent years, stockpiling food and arms as they meticulously prepare behind closed doors for World War 3 or an apocalypse by any other name.
Their name is “Prepper” and their number is many. United by the common belief that any civilization is only 72 hours away from anarchy, Preppers believe that a solar storm or a similar catastrophe, such as a stray nuclear missile, will completely knock out all the electric grids worldwide leaving us in a state of complete chaos as food runs out and people revert to animal savagery to survive.
You might say that Preppers have a “bunker mentality,” but they believe that in the aftermath of World War 3, looting will be commonplace, law and order will be redundant, and we will enter a new dark age where only a handful of us survive. Positive types aren’t they?
An Apocalyptically Good Read
If you’re a bookworm who’s struggling for something decent to read in the aftermath of World War 3, why not head over to Elbert County, Georgia, where you’ll find a structure often referred to as the “American Stonehenge,” which offers ten simple guidelines on how to survive the end of the world.
In 1979 an anonymous person hired a local construction company to make and erect the Georgia Guidestones which are made up of six granite slabs, standing at nearly 20 feet tall.
Inscribed upon the stones in eight different languages, including Hebrew and Chinese, are 10 recommendations and an inscription reading, “Let these be guidestones to an Age of Reason.”
The recommendations range from “Unite humanity with a living new language,” to “Avoid petty laws and useless officials,” and “Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.”
The tenth recommendation strikes a cautionary note and suggests, “Be not a cancer on the earth — Leave room for nature — Leave room for nature.”
Yoko Ono has praised the messages the Guidestones offer but, on the other hand, others have called for the Guidestones to “smashed into a million pieces, and then the rubble used for a construction project.”
If World War 3 and the Armageddon comes, there’s nothing anyone can really do about it and no doubt it’ll be a pretty disturbing experience, but as a party game it might be fun to compile a special mix tape of end of the world songs so you can sink a couple of beers and throw a few shapes on the dance-floor as the whole gig goes up in in flames.
Remember, every apocalypse needs a thumping soundtrack to make sure it goes with a bang. Here’s a few ideas to get you started.
REM: It’s The End of the World as we Know it (But I Feel Fine)
U2: The End of the World
The Doors: The End
Country Joe and the Fish: Feel Like I’m Fixing to Die
Def Leppard: Armageddon It
Blur: Out of Time
Barry McGuire: Eve of Destruction
Roy Orbison: It’s Over
The Rolling Stones: It’s All Over Now
The Vaselines: Overweight But Over you
Noah And The Whale: Last Night On Earth
The Beatles: The End
The Trammps: Disco Inferno
Remember to turn the lights off on your way out.
[Featured Image by Daniel Goodrich/Archdiocese of New York via Getty Images]