While historians have called Romeo and Juliet a great love story, people nowadays have called it a three-day crush. But what if it was neither of those, but limerence?
Limerence, as most of us have recently learned, is a state of intense, obsessive infatuation. However, unlike a Shakespearean novel, the person on the other side of limerence is someone who does not reciprocate the feelings of our main character or is emotionally unavailable.
The term was coined in the 1970s by psychologist Dorothy Tennov, who described it not as simple affection, a crush, or strong attraction. According to her, it involves persistent, intrusive thoughts, mood swings based on the level of reciprocation, emotional dependency, and idealization of the object of affection.
Professor Ahmed Hankir told Newsweek: “BPD one of the most misunderstood and stigmatized mental health conditions.” https://t.co/qItaqsfZeb
— Newsweek (@Newsweek) November 23, 2025
Those who fall under the spell of limerence often find their day-to-day life disrupted. They can experience intrusive rumination and emotional highs and lows. While a slight interest from the person of interest could give one an extreme high, any sign of disinterest could lead to an equally crushing low.
The reason this word came back into circulation was a video by a psychiatrist on TikTok named Ahmed Hankir, which then went viral. In his video, Hankir explained that in some cases, limerence could be a manifestation of Borderline Personality Disorder.
BPD, or Borderline Personality Disorder, is usually characterized by emotional instability, unstable relationships, and a chronic fear of abandonment.
In this TikTok video, Hankir went on to explain how those battling BPD may develop limerence as adults. This is more common in young adults who do not have stable homes or caregivers, or those who bond easily with others due to inconsistent emotional connections.
Such young people often find themselves attracted toward others who are emotionally distant or unavailable, in an attempt to recreate their childhood bonds or to “fix” old wounds.
He also described limerence as one of the least known but most painful aspects of BPD.
One may ask why it is not simply called an obsession. That is because limerence is more than a passing crush or a romantic daydream. Research shows that it often shares traits with obsessive-compulsive disorder, and in a few cases, it can escalate to harmful behavior too, which can lead to stalking or severe emotional disturbances.
It can never lead to a normal relationship, since relationships depend on mutual respect, boundaries, realistic perceptions of each other, and emotional reciprocity. Whereas limerence thrives on emotional uncertainty and the hope of reciprocation.
bpd is borderline personality disorder! it’s a personality disorder that is complex in its own right and bipolar is a mood disorder
these are decent graphics https://t.co/QC4EeY2hEt pic.twitter.com/O9AoFqSn6I
— kay marie (@kemimarie) March 18, 2024
This uncertainty is what feeds the obsession and makes it resistant to change.
In the context of Borderline Personality Disorder, the stakes are often high. When signature behaviors of BPD, such as emotional instability, fear of abandonment, and hypersensitivity to rejection, are combined with limerence fixation, they produce a powerful feeling of dependency, self-destructive behavior, and despair.
Now that limerence and BPD are getting attention from social media and from people battling them, it may become easier for others to talk about their struggles and get help.
For anyone who has experienced or recognized these patterns in themselves or loved ones, understanding that there are therapeutic pathways offers relief and, maybe, one day, peace.
