We live in an insanely different world than the one our parents knew. We use more technology, and not only that, but we’ve developed a personal relationship with it. There’s proof. Scour the web and you’ll find it, innumerable amounts of passionate declarations to inanimate entities, from folks that wanna “make sweet love to Google” to “I secretly love my iPhone 4 so much I want to marry it.” Now, we can turn our heads and throw up the token “there’s crazy people on the internet, duh” sigh, or we can accept the obvious: that today’s technology is made to be personal, and it only make sense to get personal back. So without further prefacing, I present you,7 Reasons Mobile Apps Are Better Than A Hot Date.
1. They’re Available 24 Hours
No matter how much of a loner you figure yourself to be, we all succumb to the pangs of neediness every once in a while. Missing that special someone can hurt, whatever the reason for the long separation. We know that people must eventually leave, but our phones and its applications never do. They simply wait patiently for our attention…and don’t wait until the third text to respond.
2. They’re Never Jealous Of Your Ex
Apps will never threaten you. They’re friendly creatures by design that would never dare start a fight or throw that glass of expensive wine in your face when they find out who your Facebook friends are. In fact, they’re made for the purpose of social connection, and integrate with most of the sites you frequent already, such as Twitter, and others you’d rather keep hidden from future stalkers.
3. They’ll Order Your Food For You
One of the biggest problems in any relationship is how much the other person is willing to invest into your care. Let’s face it, people are selfish. Fortunately, for narcissists everywhere, mobile applications are all about you; just ask the Mexican restaurant chain, Chipotle. They’ve recently developed an app that allows loyal customers to order their burritos, salads and chips directly from their mobile devices. Your mobile sweetheart not only saves you an hour in line, but the stench of the shady guy standing in line with the “Free Hugs” t-shirt.
4. They’re Cheap Dates
Unlike any dates you’ve ever had, this one is much less expensive, like free: meaning no waiters, bus boys or valets to tip. Companies are literally giving these applications away for the use of their customers. When’s the last time you’ve had a restaurant offer you something free, without threatening legal action first?
5. They Never Gain Weight
As a matter of fact, they’ll help you lose the pounds. Search through the iTunes and Google Play Stores for “weight loss” and you’ll find a number of apps that will help you to burn fat and carve out your inner six pack, like Move Your Bot and Endomondo. Hehe, move your bot.
6. You Can End The Relationship Without Apologies
Breakups stink whichever way you break ’em. There’s always that one person that says the breakup is mutual, while the other person is crying about breaking so-and-so’s heart. Apps save you the drama. You’ll never have to tell Brewster “it’s not you, it’s me,” when you really know it’s all their fault. Just delete the sucker, and end of relationship. Don’t you wish everything were that simple?
7. And If All Else Fails, You Can Create Your Own
There may be other fish in the sea, but what if you could genetically engineer the fish to look the way you want and design them to do your your bidding? Life would be sweet you say? Then you need your own app, and these days its easier than ever. Artists and the like are using services like Spinapp to create their own personalized apps for under $10 a month. That can’t even buy you a movie ticket these days. Think about that.