Doctor Reveals The Full Extent Of The Injuries Suffered By ‘Home Alone’s’ Wet Bandits

A doctor has examined the full traumas that Joe Pesci’s Harry and Daniel Stern’s Marv go through in John Hughes’ delightful Home Alone, to reveal the full extent of the injuries they would have suffered if it hadn’t been a movie.

The medical information in The Week’s article is provided by Dr. Ryan St. Clair of the Weill Cornell Medical College and firstly sees him evaluate the effect of a BB gun to the forehead. “Classic air-powered projectile weapons typically have muzzle velocities of 350 feet per second or less,” states St. Clair.

“A BB fired at close range from such a weapon could break the skin, but will not penetrate the skull, and is unlikely to penetrate Harry’s scrotum, especially through fabric.”

St. Clair also adds the following about an iron to the face, “Let’s estimate the distance from the first floor to the basement at 15 feet, and assume the steam iron weighs 4 pounds. And note that the iron strikes Marv squarely in the mid-face.”

“This is a serious impact, with enough force to fracture the bones surrounding the eyes. This is also know as a ‘blowout fracture,’ and can lead to serious disfigurement and debilitating double vision if not repaired properly.”

For their final injuries, Marv and Harry are hit by a shovel across the back of their heads, about which St. Clair states, “Seriously? At this point, Marv and Harry have both suffered potentially crippling hand and foot injuries. Harry has proved to be nearly impervious to burns, and both managed to retain consciousness after taking a flying paint can straight to the face.

“Suddenly, a frail elderly man appears and weakly slaps them in turn with a flimsly aluminium Home Depot snow shovel. And, somehow, this is too much for them, and they collapse. This movie was way more believable when I way 8.”

What do you think of Home Alone?