FriendFeed killed Twitter, started World War 2 and eats babies

Our favorite satirist Fake Steve Gillmor comes out of retirement for a special post on the dangers of FriendFeed.

I’m back bitches, did you miss me? I’ve been heavily denuded for this past year, basking in the grammatical orgy that is MG while secretly plotting my return. I’m not returning in realtime, but the Rsscloud and PubSubHubbubGlubglub that is FriendFeed has forced my hand.

FriendFeed killed Twitter! This isn’t the first crime committed by the poor excuse for a Twitter client: FriendFeed also started World War 2 and relies on a fresh feast of babies to keep its servers up. FriendFeed is a parasite on a pimple on Twitter’s ass.

How the hell does a denial of service attack plague reach into the coolest service no-one will ever use, so I’m told because FriendFeediots like myself are smug and never use it. How does a baby eating service with no users become a complete and total gasbag when Twitter farts on the Drudge Report?

The game of soccer between Laconica and Facebook is a pathetic attempt to imitate Twitter. It doesn’t reduce my own guilt by endlessly promoting the advantages of realtime and the ephemeral return of Track. Scoble. FriendFeed will solve all of my social media problems before anybody else does by killing Twitter and babies, are we clear here?

I’m beginning to shake the blood off with stream splicing, Scoble is being attacked for being Scoble, and I’m breathing deeper now. It’s all good. God says I should stop playing with myself, and naturally I blame FriendFeed.