Unfortunate German tourist finds tampon in his steak

Seriously, why do German tourists get all the good “I went to America!” stories?

Axel Sanz-Claus was dining on “steak and spinach” at the legendary Waldorf-Astoria’s Bull and Bear Steakhouse when he says he encountered a new twist on an old favorite recipe. Santa Claus Sanz-Claus claims that he discovered a wayward, soiled feminine hygiene product by biting down on it. Sanz-Claus told Eyewitness News:

“I had it in my mouth, chewed it and nearly swallowed it,” said Sanz-Claus. He adds, “This is so disgusting, I’ve felt sick ever since.”

This diner says he rinsed his mouth with brandy then went to the bathroom to vomit. He says the hotel then called an ambulance. Sanz-Claus claims the doctor in the emergency room cut the object in half and confirmed it was a used tampon.

Sanz-Claus says he has not been able to sleep or eat since the episode.

I don’t blame you, dude. However, one must point out that the likelihood of a used tampon accidentally entering the food supply chain is very low. On the other hand, deliberate sabotage by a food handler is similarly unlikely if you factor in how easy it may be to exclude suspects. (Have a penis? You’re free to go.)

In a statement, the Wald0rf-Astoria had this to say about the adulterated steak story:

“We are conducting an internal investigation, but have reason to believe that the circumstances surrounding this incident are highly suspicious. At this time we are not at liberty to provide any additional details.”

This post would not be complete without a screencap of the funny-in-context ad displayed with the story linked above.