You did all the right things. You were the beautiful, blushing bride. You made sure you wanted to walk down the aisle with the man who made your heart melt and held the key to your infinite happiness. It all seemed like a wonderful dream that finally turned into a fantastic reality.
Then you woke up, sweating and panting, from the nightmare you’ve been living in. You’re convinced that Frankenstein or Jason Voorhees is your spouse.
Suddenly, the man who made your pulse quicken and your eyelashes flutter is as quiet as a church mouse. He has no emotion. In other words, he’s flipped the script from a gabby, talkative understanding companion to a silent movie star. He’s different in every way.
Have you thought of the inevitable? Maybe he was that way all along and you put the other characteristics there to fulfill your own idea of who he should be.
Marriage can seem like the ideal situation for two people who love each other. But therein lies the key to the dilemma. Was there real love in the first place? It’s easy to confuse lust, love, and admiration. Really, it is. When they’re all jumbled up into a big ball of acceptance, they take on the same qualities. Pretty soon, it’s just a matter of not wanting to be alone. That’s not good.
Some people will do anything to avoid the scenario of loneliness. They’ll even deal with a person who is obviously wrong for them, just to have that eternal dating partner. But when you settle for the worst, how can you expect things to improve? It’s very seldom that you can change a person for the better. That has to come from within.
Please don’t lie to yourself. Just because you’re a strong woman with an overwhelming amount of independence and zeal, don’t think that a man can’t handle you. If that was the case, why did you walk down the aisle? Why do you even fantasize about being in wedded bliss?
Yet here you are. Stuck, in a dead end marriage, that has all the warmth of a funeral director’s hands. You feel isolated, depressed, and dead to the world. Just a little foresight could have kept you out of the sorrowful predicament you’re in.
WHY DID YOU MARRY HIM?
If you look back on this question and have a hard time beyond saying you loved him, you made a wrong move. The choice to get married goes far beyond just loving someone. You must share a like and understanding of the same ideals and goals. It’s possible to have a successful marriage with different mindsets, but eventually some obstacles will pop up. Marriage is love. But it’s a business too. Make a smart investment.
WAS SEX THE BIG DRAW?
Letting your libido control your choice for a spouse is a no-no. Bedroom activities are never going to translate into a successful union beyond closed doors. We all know that a healthy sex life is part of good marriages. But when you base the entire union on how many times a week or day you do the horizontal mambo, you’re in big trouble.
DID YOU MARRY HIM BASED ON EMOTION?
He was there, he helped you through hard times, he listened to your cries of the heart, etc. Nope. Not enough. Most men can play the good therapist when they want sex. After the initial hook up, things will change. That listening will turn into a bunch of silence and empty nods. You’ve already proven you’ll give in after he pretends to listen. Now it’s all an elaborate show to keep you pacified.
Don’t always be so sure it’s the other person. In a rush to make things perfect, personal responsibility is often overlooked. Take a moment to think about the consequences of being unprepared and unaware. You can save months and even years of wasted time and effort.
[Photo via Black Culture]