‘Game Of Thrones’: It’s A Nice Day For A White Wedding

On this week’s episode of Game of Thrones, after dodging many proverbial bullets, Sansa Stark’s (Sophie Turner) luck finally ran out, as did Queen Margaery’s (Natalie Dormer) and her brother’s. Jorah (Iain Glen) and Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) had more bad news, and there was trouble in Dorne for several characters. On the other hand, after being relatively quiet for several episodes, Cersei (Lena Headey) was back to her old self. You Game of Thrones fans know you missed her special brand of nasty, but rest assured the Queen (Mother) of Mean was back in all her evil, gloating glory.

If you haven’t seen this week’s episode of Game of Thrones, spoilers follow. (And if you happen to have DISH TV, you could have watched this episode after midnight Sunday morning, as subscribers on the service reported it was available On Demand all day today.)

First, in this episode of Game of Thrones, Arya Stark (Maisie Williams) remained at the House of Black and White, where she had been bathing the dead and complaining she was tired of “scrubbing corpses” and “playing games.” A man left a sick girl at the house, saying he spent all his money trying to cure her but he just wanted her suffering to end. Arya reassured the girl that drinking from the water well would heal her, but when the girl drank the water, she died like everyone who drinks from the well. As Arya attended her body, the Faceless Man appeared and she followed him to a secret chamber of the House of Black and White she’s never been to before, filled with faces on large pillars on a massive scale — some kind of altar to the Many-Faced God.

“Is the girl ready?” asked the Faceless Man, but he answered for Arya, telling her she wasn’t ready yet.

Tyrion and Jorah spent some quality time this week on Game of Thrones making small talk about such things as oh, you know, Tyrion killing his father, and discussing the Mother of Dragons, Daenerys, only to find themselves taken captive by slavers. While that was bad luck, Tyrion did manage to talk them out of cutting his throat and taking a rather personal souvenir to sell later, as this anatomical part from a dwarf was supposed to have”magical powers.” He talked his way out of death by pointing out that without him, no one would really know this “souvenir” came from a dwarf. One of the slavers said it would be obvious because it would be dwarf-sized.

“Guess again,” replied Tyrion, as most of the prostitutes in King’s Landing would be able to verify if only they had been available. Fortunately, the slavers were headed to Meereen, which was where the pair were headed anyway, so at least they have transportation.

In Dorne, Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and Bronn (Jerome Flynn) arrived just in time to thwart an assassination attempt by the Sand Snakes against Cersei’s daughter, Myrcella (Nell Tiger Free), as revenge for the death of Oberyn (Pedro Pascal) last season on Game of Thrones. The ensuing fight resulted in no deaths, but in the arrest of the two men, as well as the Sand Snakes and their mother.

And speaking of Cersei, the character Game of Thrones fans love to hate and hate to love, Lord Baelish (Aidan Gillen) traveled to King’s Landing to plot and manipulate with her as only he does best. Baelish told Cersei he had “found out” Sansa was back in Winterfell, being married off to Ramsey Bolton (Iwan Rheon), which set Cersei into a fit of anger and she vowed to see Sansa’s head on a spike, yet she was clueless that Sansa’s safe passage and marriage were arranged by the man before her. He vowed his loyalty to the King, but any Game of Thrones fan who has seen Baelish in action knows his only loyalty is to himself. Baelish asked Cersei to make him warden of the north after advising her to let the Boltons and Baratheons duke it out in the north, then march to take it from the winner before full winter set in.

But that wasn’t all Cersei was up to on this episode of Game of Thrones. After being displaced from her throne — and put in her place — by new Queen Margaery in the last few episodes, Cersei made her comeback. She had already had Margaery’s brother arrested by the Faith Militant for allegations of homosexuality, and remained unswayed by his grandmother’s pleas to release him, assuring her it was just a little hearing, not a full trial, and nothing would come of it.

Well, nothing but producing a credible witness who could describe an intimate birthmark, and confirm Queen Margaery knew of the relationship, right after she swore she had no inkling of any wrongdoing by her brother. So Loras (Finn Jones) will have a full trial and Queen Margaery herself was arrested for lying under oath, as Cersei gloated. Her son may be king, but is too young and spineless to intervene, so the Queen Mother is the one ruling the roost again.

But Cersei will now have to face the anger of their grandmother, Lady Olenna (Diana Rigg), and she may find out she messed with her elders at her own peril. Game of Thrones fans can be sure Lady Olenna won’t sit by idly for this, as she’s already gotten away with the assassination conspiracy against the former king and Cersei’s son.

And then there was the fate of Sansa Stark. Game of Thrones fans knew it was coming, but the ugly truth still hurt.

Sansa was engaged to and tormented by King Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) before he dumped her for Margaery, then married to Tyrion, who thankfully left her alone and never consummated the marriage, but tonight she was married to the wretched Ramsey in a night ceremony in a light snowfall, with everything covered in white. Unfortunately, Ramsey had no intention of being as gracious as Tyrion, and her wedding night was as ugly as expected, with Ramsey insisting on Reek/Theon (Alfie Allen) staying to watch his brutal rape of Sansa, saying since he knew her as a child, he would watch her become a woman.

Thankfully, Game of Thrones only showed Theon’s face, but Sansa’s cries were horrifying enough without any other visuals. Never fear, Sophie Turner is okay, and told EW she loved that scene in an interview posted afterwards. Really?

Game of Thrones fans can only wait for the day Ramsey gets what he has coming, although it’s doubtful it will be soon. But remember, revenge is a dish best served cold, and winter is coming.