Morrissey Warns Kanye West That Glastonbury Might Ruin His Image

Morrissey warned Kanye West that when he performs at Glastonbury this June, Kanye needs to be very careful because “You might find visual arts expert Michael Eavis meddling with your presentations.”

Morrissey is, of course, referring to when he played Glastonbury in 2011 and attempted to sing The Smiths classic, “Meat Is Murder,” only to find the screen behind him that usually portrays “the many evils of factory farming” had been switched off by Glastonbury owner Michael Eavis.

Morrissey writes on his website, TrueTo You, that Eavis prevented the film from being shown because it wasn’t indicative of how his dairy farm operated.

“He didn’t quite understand that the poor souls in the actual film did not want to be there in the first place. Michael Eavis also went on to justify banning the film by saying it would ‘upset’ younger people. What Michael Eavis was saying, in effect, was it’s OK for our belly, but not for our eyes … and at all costs don’t educate anyone on animal cruelty because it might damage the financial profits of our happy Glastonbury Farm.”

On something of a roll, Morrissey then goes on to label Eavis as a cow raper and describes him sarcastically as Dr. Dolittle because of his remark that “Glastonbury cows are very happy.”

“Michael insists that Glastonbury cows are ‘very happy.’In truth, of course, as soon as a cow is a substandard producer of milk, she and her friends are sent off to have their throats slit. We can easily imagine Michael Eavis waving the cattle truck off, and we can see his cows being ‘very happy’ about that, and waving back to Michael.

“Like many animal haters, Michael Eavis was awarded a CBE by Elizabeth Battenberg (you have been ordered to address her as The Queen) in 2007. In 2005 he expressed how it was “outrageous to ban hunting”. For such as Michael Eavis, there just cannot be enough bloodshed. More! More! More! Kill! Kill! Kill! Would he object if the hunters were also hunted?”

Outside of farming, the Glastonbury Festival has of course made Michael Eavis a millionaire many times over. The festival is renowned for its self-righteous and sanctimonious air, where people spend an obscene amount of money to get back to nature and pretend they’re spiritual because they haven’t had a shower in a few days.

This year, Kanye West is due to play at Glastonbury, and just like they did with Jay-Z back in 2008, over 133,000 open-minded and enlightened Glastonbury goers have organised a petition to stop Kanye playing because he “sucks,” is “a cu*t,” “has no morals and no talent,” and he is “a talentless, arrogant, racist douche.”

According to critics of the festival, such an attitude obviously says more about your average Glastonbury goer than it does West, and in the view of many music lovers, it does seem like the sort of hippy-dippy toilet to be avoided at all costs. Now that he has been duly warned, if Kanye or anyone else plays there, Morrissey has beseeched them to be careful because anything Comrade Eavis doesn’t agree with will be banned.

After all, it’s his festival and his rules, don’t you know?

[Photos by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images and Kevin Winter/ Getty Images]