A woman’s open letter to her ex-husband’s new girlfriend is getting a lot of attention. A month after a man’s letter to his ex-wife went viral, comes the one here. It’s not the type that Gawker would advise not exposing online, as the source did in Anthony D’Ambrosio’s case.
The letter is written by Tina Plantamura, who’s 39-years-old and from Ocean Grove, New Jersey. She’s now remarried, but has three teenage sons with her ex-husband. Her priorities lie solely with her sons and how everyone gets along in this real-life version of “modern family.”
In the letter that Plantamura wrote, she carefully welcomes the new girlfriend into her ex-husband and sons’ lives. At the beginning of it, she empathizes with the new girlfriend for probably “cringing” at her words, fearing that she’s going to “lay down some laws” about how to treat her children. She then reassures her that it’s not at all what the letter is about.
As Tina says in her letter, she wants to welcome her into the family fold, calling it a “unique dynamic of ‘modern family.'” She then lightheartedly explains to the new girlfriend that if she wants to know why the marriage didn’t work, he’ll tell her.
“Welcome to the way we wing this life and this relationship. Yes, I said relationship, but not by its standard definition.”
“The children keep us in a relationship, much like your work keeps you in a relationship with your boss. If success is the goal, whether in work or parenting, the relationship between those who strive for that is important. I will not fill this letter with none-of-my-business-type of advice on how to treat a man I have known since I was 20. I won’t tell you anything that is personal about him; anything that he chooses to share is between you two. I’m not going to tell you why things did not work between us. All I will say on the subject of us is what I say to everyone:”
“To me, he’s a great guy — for someone else.”
The ex-wife asks the newest member of the “family” to not “ever feel threatened, intimidated or out of place” around them. Tina admits that everyone is “fumbling through the newness” of her place in their lives. She further states that if she’s “good enough for him,” than she’s “good enough for us.”
The woman’s open letter to her ex-husband’s new girlfriend shows admirable support of her sons. She makes it clear that everyone needs to get along and have fun with the children. Just because they are no longer married doesn’t mean her ex’s new love won’t see Tina over the years when it comes to the kids.
“You’re going to see us (the kids, mostly, but also my husband and me) quite often. You’re going to find yourself sitting with us at concerts, plays, games, graduations and many other events. It will feel awkward at first, maybe, but I hope that changes quickly. While the kids know very well that their father and I are divorced and done, they need to know that we are united in our support of them, and this is one of the many ways we will unapologetically display that support.”
“I want them to look out at the audience while on stage and see all of us together watching them with pride and excitement. Many of my friends have asked me if sitting between their father and stepfather feels weird. I have done weirder things to esteem, encourage, teach and build my sons. (Singing ridiculous songs about potty training is the first thing that comes to my mind.) This is no sweat. I ask that you join us (when you are ready) and become part of the united front that supports them unconditionally.”
This ex-wife shows where her priorities lie with her sons and their father. Tina reaches out, easing any insecurities the woman might have when she sees her boyfriend talking with her about their children’s well-being.
“… There is trust that you will know when it’s appropriate to chime in. Should you ever feel uncomfortable or insignificant during times like this, I ask that you look at the bigger picture and keep in mind that our communication outside the subject of our children is almost non-existent.”
More specifically, Tina tells the lady entering her ex-hubby’s world that he’ll never call on her for things like fashion tips, complaining about his day at work, or anything outside of what’s going on in their sons’ lives. She emphasizes that her only role in his life is being the “mother of his children” and “nothing more.” Tina hopes that the woman will get to know her sons as individuals and cautions that there will be times it’s not easy, “much like anything else that is worthwhile.”
“I hope this letter doesn’t scare you off. I imagine you understand that there is no way I could get all of this out when I met you for the first time and wondered if I was supposed to awkwardly shake your hand.”
“Carefully and respectfully, I welcome you.”
This letter is posted on Asbury Park Press (app.com) and can be read in full. The woman’s open letter to her ex-husband’s new girlfriend will hopefully inspire many blended families out there. Tina is interested, first and foremost, in her sons and hopes that in the process of having a new person in their lives, everyone can be happy.
[Photo Credit: Todd Olthoff]