‘The Duggar Family Kama Sutra’ — Humorist Pokes Fun At Duggars’ Views On Sex

Paul Rudnick, humorist and playwright, recently published a piece in the New Yorker called “The Duggar Family Kama Sutra,” poking fun at the conservative values of the well-known family from TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting.

Rudnick takes sexual terms and redefines them to reflect a puritanical view on sexuality and attributes the definitions to the Duggars. His riff on the missionary position, for example, reads, “This is perhaps the most satisfying sexual maneuver, because the wife remains in America while the husband serves as a missionary along the Amazon. Both parties receive erotic pleasure from choppy long-distance telephone conversations, in which the only understandable words are ‘prayer,’ ‘antibiotic gel,’ and ‘I’ve finally persuaded the entire tribe to wear cargo shorts and culottes, so there’s no more of that flippity-floppity.'”

Rudnick, obviously still tongue-in-cheek, says that “the wheelbarrow” is also a Duggar-approved maneuver.

“Another Duggar favorite, in which the wife, while gardening and filling her wheelbarrow with homegrown yams, eggplants, and zucchini, imagines her husband’s smile as she serves him a tasty mixed salad. When he is alone, the husband is permitted to caress these vegetables and offer them inexpensive jewelry in exchange for their continued silence.”

The “Duggar Family Kama Sutra” ends with what Rudnick refers to as “the babymaker,” saying that to produce children, actual contact is necessary, but should only be done within certain “parameters.”

“Both partners will disrobe in total darkness and then move slowly toward each other, to avoid making love to a floor lamp. Once the spouses have found one another, they will apologize, hold their breath, and picture, in their minds, their mothers piling heaps of apple slices into a piecrust. After no more than thirty seconds of intimate contact, the wife will yell, ‘Marco!,’ and the husband will reply, ‘Polo!’ Then both partners will run to separate bathrooms and scrub themselves with wire brushes, until a child is born.”

The Duggars have never been a family to shy away from the topic of sex — they do, after all, have 19 children. And the Duggars themselves have given tips on how to maintain a healthy sex life in an interview with Today, which included such advice as saying yes to intimacy, even when tired… but the Duggars also suggest “giving it a rest at times,” as well, saying that abstinence can make the heart grow fonder. And although the Duggars view sex as a “gift from God,” they certainly maintain that sex should wait until after marriage. In the recent book written by the Duggar girls on relationships, the sisters write that within marriage, sex is “pure, wholesome and beautiful,” but that “outside of marriage it spreads disease, death, and destruction.”

What do you think? Is “The Duggar Family Kama Sutra” simply humorous, or is it an attack on the Duggar family’s Christian values?

For more on the Duggars and their strict beliefs on sexuality, click here.

[Image via parentables.com]