The life of a Hollywood assistant to the stars is never as exciting as it might seem to someone who sees stars only on the screen and doesn’t have to live with them every day. The fact is, many celebrities get so carried away with their own inflated sense of self-worth combined with the deep-seated insecurity that drove them to get famous in the first place that, well, that can be plain crazy to deal with.
But one Hollywood assistant got a measure of revenge this week, revealing the eccentric and frankly annoying behavior of a famous Hollywood actress — one who, the former assistant assures the reader, is a “Hollywood household name.”
But the assistant does not tell us the crazy actress’s name — or her own name. This article that appeared Wednesday on the New York Magazine blog “The Cut,” is what they call in the gossip industry a “blind item.”
In other words, the story gives plenty of juicy detail, but leaves the reader to guess who is being talked about. So feel free to guess. Here are some of the crazy things the famous actress inflicted on her beleaguered Hollywood assistant:
Break Up With My Boyfriend For Me
Over Christmas, the actress made a phone call to the assistant telling her to make a date with the actress’s current flame — himself “a very prominent actor” with whom she had just finished filming a movie. Except the actress wouldn’t show up at the date. The assistant would. At that date, the assistant would tell the famous and eager boyfriend “to back off and leave me alone,” the actress instructed.
“You would think sending a text is the worst — no. Sending your assistant to break up with him is the worst,” opined the assistant, who said she “felt terrible” for the jilted actor who was boyishly excited for his date with the insane star.
I Need You To Be My Drug Mule
The actress is apparently a serious pothead, who made her assistant pick up her “holistic herbs” for her. Until the assistant realized, “Oh crap, I’m a drug runner.” This big Hollywood star once stuffed some drugs into the assistant’s bag, which the assistant then unknowingly took on a commercial flight to a film festival.
Dump Your Family To Drive Me To See A Palm Reader
The assistant was once at a family gathering when she got a call from the nutty Hollywood actress, saying that it was an emergency. She had to see her “therapist” right away and needed her assistant to drive her there. It turned out that the “therapist” was, in fact, a palm reader. The actress had been given a discount coupon for her psychic services.
But the Hollywood Assistant Gets The Ultimate Payback
The assistant had the last laugh, however. She was often sent to pick up the actress’s prescriptions and realized from the medication labels that this Hollywood actress was suffering from a sexually transmitted disease.
So partly out of responsibility, partly just for the fun of it, she called the actress’s ex-boyfriend. “I was like, ‘Hey, you need to get checked out. I don’t think she’ll ever call you.’ And he was like, “Oh, s***. Thanks.” This was seven months after the breakup.”
Okay, now, who wants a job as a Hollywood assistant?