Stephen Colbert isn’t really a conservative pundit, but he plays one to hilarious effect on TV. Still, occasionally he’ll drop character to go hard after “one of his own.” To wit, Thursday’s The Colbert Report included a pretty lengthy rant about Fox News host Eric Bolling.
Colbert started by admitting that currently, there’s a lot of bad news going around. “Chemical weapons in Syria, radiation in Fukushima, ‘Breaking Bad’ is ending. Even worse, I’m starting to think that Hank and Walt may not end up together,” he said.
When this happens, the Comedy Central host turns to “Stephen Colbert’s Smile File” for some relief. Right on top in the smile file was Cleveland kidnapper Ariel Castro.
No, it’s wasn’t just a dark one-line bit playing off the guilty pleasure some feel over Castro’s cowardice and suicide. It was just the setup.
“Until I tuned in to Fox News’ ‘The Five,’ starring Eric Bolling, who always sees the glass as half full,” Colbert said.
He then rolled a clip of Bolling from The Five, in which the Fox host explains (with a white board) that Castro’s suicide saved taxpayers about $800,000. Bolling went even further, calculating taxpayer cost of keeping Guantanamo Bay prisoners around, opining coldly that they should do us a favor and hang themselves as well.
“Thank you,” said Colbert. “Would it kill those Gitmo detainees to kill themselves? I mean, for Pete’s sake, what are they waiting for? Charges?”
Colbert asked why we should stop there, suggesting we apply the same logic to our old folk.
“Peepaw, it’s time to smear some of that pudding on the stairs and slide gently into that good night,” he said
“And if any of you freeloaders out there need some inspiration,” Colbert concluded, “just turn on ‘The Five,’ ‘cuz every time I watch Eric Bolling, I want to kill myself.”
Check out the video below:
The Colbert Report
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