Can Kate Middleton Cut It As A Hack And Show Pippa Who The Real Newshound Is?

Earlier this week, it was announced the Kate Middleton is going to be a guest editor for the day at the Huffington Post.

One would imagine that manufacturing the news rather than being its subject will be something of a novelty for Kate, who is no stranger to hitting the headlines.

Although it’s a rare old lark imagining the demure and retiring Duchess as a hard-boiled and caffeine-crazed hack, trawling the gutter for exclusives and wading tenaciously through the sewerage of SEO, the reality of Kate’s foray into the world of journalism will be somewhat more civilized and weighty.

The Irish Independent reports that Kate will take the helm at the UK arm of the Huffington Post, commissioning content to “highlight the importance of children’s mental health and use the opportunity to highlight the inspiring work being done by parents, teachers, researchers, and mental health professionals around the country.”

It’s serious business and a lot less fluffy than the sort of content Pippa has produced during her stint as a freelance writer. So is Kate about to show her sister the real difference between journalism and “churnalism” and who the real newshound in the Middleton clan is?

One can only speculate, but on the merits of Pippa’s past glories, beginning with her legendary 2012 book Celebrate: A Year of British Festivities For Families And Friends, you would imagine that Kate’s batting averages will be somewhat more impressive.

If ever there was a book that needed burning, it was Pippa Middleton’s Celebrate, a party bible for people who get intoxicated watching paint dry.

If you’re one of those hedonistic party animals who gets your kicks ironing Autumn leaves for table decorations and lap up advice such as “Sunglasses can be a stylish way of keeping bright light from your eye” or “Google is a great resource for searching for internet sites and finding out information and pictures of kittens,” then you’ll howl with ecstasy when reading this classic book by Kate Middleton’s sister.

On the other hand, if your intelligence is capable of being insulted, your taste tormented, and your dignity degraded, you’d do well to avoid Pippa’s book like the plague.

When Celebrate first hit the bookshelves, reviewer after reviewer snarled like a wronged literary god and frothed at the mouth in disbelief when confronted with the sheer vacuous horror of home-grown Middleton advice such as “Save time by doing things more quickly.” Like vomiting, perhaps?

And how about this little saucy nugget.

“Breakfast in bed can be anything from a simple pot of tea with a few digestive biscuits to a tray laden with early-morning goodies and flowers.”

It’s hardly Nietzche, but Celebrate does seem to be illuminated from within with the unholy glow of existential despair. How else do you explain such anguished and poetic pleas from the abyss as “A glass or net food cover can be useful to protect sticky cakes from flies.”

Poor Pippa, such gleeful tips as “If you have trouble opening lids and screwing in light bulbs, why not find a male friend to help?” is not the kind of thing you expect to hear from someone whose butt once went global and who not so long ago was partying hard with gun waving French playboys.

Celebrate really is banal beyond belief and seen by many at the time as merely an excuse for Pippa to cash in on her royal connections and create a shocking literary crime in the process.

It didn’t, however, stop Pippa from landing a plum role at the Daily Telegraph as a celebrity columnist. Yet, even papers with such notoriously low standards are capable of admitting when they’ve messed up big time, and sadly ended the Duchess of Cambridge’s sister’s contract after just six months due to poor reader reaction to her work.

But all was not lost. Pippa was last seen ploughing her furrow over at that bastion of all things intellectual, the Spectator, before she went missing in action, but not before penning the immortal, “A few days ago I went truffle hunting in Piedmont. It’s been a bumper year for white truffles in northern Italy — the best ever, according to some experts.”

It’s tough advice for tough times. Let’s see if Kate can now pick up the gauntlet dropped by her sister, and who knows, just maybe we might just be treated to another literary masterpiece from the Middletons. Hope, as they say, springs eternal.

[Photo by Kirsty Wigglesworth/AP]