Mitt Romney’s Bermuda Accounts Spark Slight Scandal, Jealous Jobless Won’t Shut Up About It

So Mitt Romney’s Bermuda accounts are an issue now, and the seemingly endless bounty of envy that issues forth from the left is in full swing.

Mitt Romney’s Bermuda accounts do not come as a surprise (after all, this is the genius money-making machine formerly of Bain Capital, the company that magically turned bankrupt companies into defective ATMs that spit out money) but what is surprising is that anyone didn’t expect that people like the Romneys, who are so good at making money that their money makes money, didn’t want to pay taxes on all of it. Who the hell wants to pay taxes?

Mitt Romney’s Bermuda accounts, after all, may keep him from paying the same kinds of taxes you, Joe Paperpusher, have to pay off your meager $30,000 a year salary, but Bain Capital stole that money fair and square — why should they have to pay taxes on it like poor people do if they’re clever enough and wealthy enough to pay people to hide it for them, far away from the prying eyes of the IRS? It seems clear to any person that loves freedom and innovation that if you can afford to circumvent the tax laws of this country, whether or not you choose to do so is between you and whatever country is willing to shelter your money without telling the IRS about it.

The sad thing about Mitt Romney’s Bermuda accounts and the ensuing scandal is all the rampant jealously flowing out of the Obama campaign, when everyone knows had Romney actually paid his taxes like America’s plebes, Obummer would have just spent it on some bullshit like armor for our soldiers, food for their families, or perhaps formula for lazy, layabout low-income babies whose parents may have been laid off by companies who are sick and tired of being punished for their success by having to pay workers to work. What a bunch of seething jealous whiners.

So big deal, the sluethy slueths at the Obama campaign have set their sights on Sankaty High Yield Asset Investors Ltd. in Bermuda, the well-appointed tax haven in which much of Mitt Romney’s money rests, to avoid being subject to taxes that we all know only bus drivers really should pay. And naturally, the left has this big massive problem with Mitt being successful and rich, so of course they’re trying to distract from the real issues of this election, like forcing women to have wands shoved in their vaginas and whether or not black people are on voter rolls in swing states like Florida.

Just listen to communist Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders, who went all crybaby on the Senate floor simply because the rich know taxes are for chumps:

“I saw a piece in the paper the other day. It was quite incredible. Some billionaires apparently are leaving America, they’re giving up their citizenship, and they’re going abroad. These great lovers of America who made their money in this country, when you ask them to start paying their fair share of taxes, they’re running abroad.”

Sanders then had to bring up soldiers, who are also probably poor and it was their shitty luck to have to be poor enough to join the military, a venture mostly comprised of poor people’s kids. Yet more envy and ugly jealousy ensues:

“We have 19-year-old kids in this country who’ve died in Iraq and Afghanistan defending this country, they went abroad not to escape taxes, they’re working-class kids who died in wars and now some billionaires want to run abroad in order to avoid paying their fair share of taxes. What patriotism, what love of country.”

It’s not just fringe psychos like Sanders trying to chip away at the money Mitt’s money worked so hard to earn. Even more prominent whiners like Joe Biden were quoted by Obama’s campaign last week, saying:

“We need to choose someone who invests in America, not in a Swiss bank account.”

This is exactly the kind of jealous envy prevalent in those who complain about Mitt Romney’s Bermuda accounts — you get rich enough, America invests in you, and you get to enjoy its benefits while poor, middle and upper middle class people pay the tab. That’s what makes this country great, for Mitt Romney and his cronies!