Four Naughty Rabbis Indicted In Bizarre Kidnapping Plot

Four rabbis were indicted Thursday on conspiracy charges for using kidnappings and violent beatings to force Jewish men in New Jersey to divorce their unhappy wives, reports Reuters.

During the course of 5 years, the very “unorthodox” Jewish Orthodox rabbis Mendel Epstein, Martin Wolmark, Binyamin Stimler, and Jay “Yakkov” Goldstein reportedly used every mob-grade tactic in the book — think karate, stun guns, handcuffs, plastic bags over the head, etc. — to force unwilling husbands to hand over a get, which under Jewish law is basically a document that says, “I want a divorce!”

You see, according to said law, a woman cannot pursue a divorce without her husband’s consent. So obviously, if you have a stubborn hubby who won’t give you a get, the next best thing is to hire four potentially insane rabbis to beat the stuffing out of him.

The irony of this story is that according to the fellow who officially indicted the rabbis in NJ federal court, US Attorney Paul Fishman, the very, very bad rabbis used traditional get ceremony tools like rope, surgical blades, screwdrivers, and plastic bags to conduct the shellackings. They also used bandannas and Halloween masks.

Unfortunately for them, and fortunately for countless husbands in the New Jersey area, the scheme went awry when two undercover FBI agents — one pretending to be an unhappy wife and the other pretending to be her concerned brother — recorded rabbis Epstein and Wolmark offering them a quote.

So how much does it cost for a rabbi-led beatdown? It costs $10,000 for processing fees and $60,000 for the actual act. Charming, yes?

And what exactly does the deed entail? We’ll let Epstein explain:

“Basically what we are going to be doing is kidnapping a guy for a couple of hours and beating him and torturing him and then getting him to give the get.”

All four wonderfully twisted and quite indicted rabbis have since hired attorneys, one of whom alleged to ABC News that “this is not a kidnapping matter” because the “women were locked in terrible marriages.” Of course. That makes sense, right?

Epstein’s son David was also indicted. If he and the four rabbis are convicted, they will face life in prison. Meanwhile, several veritable meatheads were hit with lesser charges for their role in the scheme.

So what’s the moral of this story, ladies and gents?

Number one, think twice before you marry someone.

Number two, and more importantly, if you’re a Jewish husband in the New Jersey area and you see four naughty rabbis in a Halloween mask approaching, RUN, MAN, RUN!

For an audio/video overview of the indicted rabbis from a guy with a wicked British accent, check the video below:

Image via [Google Images]