Southwest Airlines Pilot Suspended After Crass Remarks Caught on Live Mic

“This is your captain speaking… look to your right for an excellent view of an ass you can bounce a quarter off of.”

Well, it wasn’t exactly like that. But close enough. A pilot on Southwest has been suspended after a questionable series of remarks he made was accidentally broadcast over a live mic to the entire airspace of Texas, blocking other transmissions. Awkward. According to ABC, the pilot -on a flight from Houston to Atlanta- complained mainly about the physical attributes of flight attendants:

“There’s 12 flight attendants, individual, never the same flight attendant twice. Eleven (expletive) over the top (expletive), (expletive) homosexuals and a granny,” the pilot said. “Eleven. I mean, think of the odds of that. I thought I was in Chicago, which was party-land.”

“After that, it was just a continuous stream of gays and grannies and grandes…”

The ostensibly mortified co-pilot tried to redirect the conversation, but the pilot blathered on:

“Well I don’t give a (expletive). I hate 100 percent of their (expletive).”

He then turned to bashing Houston flight attendants.

“Now I’m back in Houston, which is easily one of the ugliest bases. I mean it’s all these (expletive) old dudes and grannies and there’s like maybe a handful of cute chicks,” he said.

The pilot has since returned to work, but the FAA released a statement about the incident:

“The incident occurred during a phase of flight in which personal conversations are permitted in the cockpit. Nevertheless, the FAA expects a higher level of professionalism from flight crews, regardless of the circumstances,” the FAA said in a statement.

Southwest Airlines’s Vice President Flight Operations Captain Chuck Magill apologized to Southwest employees for the “inexcusable” behavior.