A photo which shows a gay — so gay you can see his gayness from space — Justin Bieber kissing another man in a vest with bulging biceps and a butch buzz went viral on the Internet yesterday, because of course it did.
You can throw out your fanfics, gossip stories of a randy little Bieber making it rain in strip clubs around the world.
That brothel visit? He was actually just borrowing some sugar. The sheet was to stop it getting wet. Chantel Jeffries? His passport says “Bob.”
Yes, the jig is well and truly up. Bieber is gay can be entered in out and proud bold type in Wikipedia, which I’ll get around to once I’ve published.
Apparently, fans had virtual seizures on Twitter yesterday when the picture of a (Blur song insert here:) “boy-who-likes-boys-only boys-must-be-boys,” surfaced online and appeared to show the “Hold Tight” singer doing exactly that – with a guy!
Dgxjxidsjcdjkfd! (We’re reliably told that’s fan-speak for “I told you he NEVA liked Selena!”)
my boy pic.twitter.com/VUcfJ8W1qF
— Rob Miller (@RobMillerr) August 23, 2013
It’s hit them hard you see. All these long months they’ve dutifully swallowed every salacious bit of tabloid dross we’ve shoved down their throats about Bieber’s depravity with females the world over. From Panama to friendly old Perth, no flesh palace was knowingly left behind.
At first, the fans resisted the truth. They called us liars, cheap hacks regurgitating tired old rumors from the National Enquirer and other titans of journalism. But, in time, they learned to accept Justin for who he is — raging, alleged STD’s ‘n’ all.
But, what’s that? We have to disappoint then again? We were making it up? Say it ain’t so.
Yes, sadly, for the good folk at Queerty, Gay So Gay Times, and Gayness Is Godliness, it turns out Bieber is a giant disappoint once again. He can’t even be gay for longer than one day.
According to multiple reports, the Biebs look-a-like-if-he-never-turns-full-face-on goes by the name of Rob Miller and the guy he’s kissing is actually his boyfriend.
Mr. Miller tweeted the photo of him kissing said squeeze last August with the effusive caption “my boy.” But people being – well – people saw the similarity, and a viral “Justin is gay” was set in social media motion.
The fake “Bieber is gay” rumor isn’t the only nonsense the superstar is dealing with.
On Saturday a British tabloid claimed Bieber is cheating on current gal pal, model Chantel Jeffries, 21, with a 17-year-old singer-dancer called Katherine Gazda.
The Daily Mirror reported the pair met via mutual rapper friend Blake Kelly in December and even discussed having children.
All sorts of loved-up social media messages to Bieber supposedly posted then conveniently deleted by Gazda were cited, with the paper running tons of ‘quotes’ from the aspiring starlet about the Canadian’s love life and legal troubles.
Alas, a none-too-pleased Gazda blasted the story at her Twitter account, some of which have been deleted.
One of her messages, typed in capitals, read: “Please don’t believe everything you read!!”
It’s entirely possible Justin was also responding to risible claims that he is to “blame” for ex-girlfriend Selena Gomez’s recent rehab stint, followed by equally dubious claims that he and his camp were slamming her as “a drunk.”
Then there’s the rumor about L.A. Clippers star Blake Griffin “smacking the s-t” out of Bieber in a West Hollywood Starbucks.
The originator of the rumor – Empire Sports, a sports satire website – reported Sunday that a barista refused to serve the shirtless one unless he robed up. At which point JB apparently “snapped,” which led to Griffin’s entirely justified intervention.
Inevitably, the story went viral because of rapid-fire social media – and seemingly – fervent hope of many.
But it wasn’t true.
A sage Bieber took to Twitter on Wednesday, writing,
“Some of the rumors out there…you just gotta laugh. People are creative. It’s all love,” later adding, “So grateful to do what I love. I love music.”
Oh so do we. If music be the food of love, gay on.
Some of the rumors out there…you just gotta laugh. People are creative. It’s all love — Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) February 12, 2014